Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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Small Little Things

Cora
Cora

So my spouse has never dressed or done makeup-- at least not in front of me. But recently, a few things kinda upset me. Like my birthday was a few months ago and I got myself some nice body scrub and some fragant shampoo and conditioner. My spouse told me he started to use these items. I yelled him for using my scrub without asking (he said he asked and I said yes which is possible, but still). I guess I was fine with him using my shampoo and conditioner because they are big bottles and we don't have a lot space BUT it's also kinda girly and he likes how it makes his hair soft. Which, to my point, it's like he's using my items to be more girly and it makes me uncomfortable. I never used to feel this way, but I suppose this never really happened before.


He's been dying his hair a lot and wearing it super long. Usually his dying of his hair wouldn't bother me, but I dunno, sometimes I read stuff by trans women and there's a lot of talk about the dying of the hair and sometimes I wonder if it's him trying to be a woman. He swears he won't do HRT now, but I feel less confident about that because he was so adament about it for so long. 


I suppose I shouldn't have to worry about this, I should just go through with the divorce, I need to follow up with my lawyer. I don't know why I'm procrastinating about it. *sigh* 

gallinarosa
gallinarosa
How can you ever feel confident and secure? But I imagine that feeling doesn't make divorce any easier.

My sense of trust is SO destroyed. Just when I think I know the depth of it, I uncover more.

Many hugs... you'll stop procrastinating when you're ready.
Cora
Cora
I think it's so hard when he told me how he was feeling but then doesn't go through with it? When he doesn't acknowledge my feelings? It definitely feels like the other side of that coin where other spouses wanted their spouses to be honest with but continually fail to be honest.

Like, we've never had the conversation on how to build trust again because he was so adamant on taking the hormones. And maybe we could have that conversation now, but I'm so tired and scared.

*hugs*
AshnEmber
AshnEmber
Wow Cora I feel like I’m in such a similar place to you... I’ve been procrastinating about going back to see a lawyer too. Not thinking about divorce just now but I do want to get a postnuptial agreement in place (spouse is a sahd and I am sole income earner). He went through a six month period of wanting to wear clothing, makeup and having laser and considering hormones but then had this “reversal” of his feelings and now says that for the moment he’s happy with who he is (90% - 10% feelings of dysphoria). He hid away almost all of his things (I wouldn’t let him throw them away as I feel that is a huge waste of money I earned). We had been seeing a therapist together but he’s moved away... he gave my spouse information about another individual therapist (for himself) and someone who could see us together. I asked him to book an appointment for us (three months ago) but he hasn’t followed through... it seems that over the past two months he has “buried his head in the sand” and won’t talk about anything helpful to help me rebuild some modicum of trust. Instead he just gives me this sad puppy dog look everyday about why I have trouble being intimate or cuddling with him. I am struggling with allowing myself to be that vulnerable when my trust is so broken...

I wish I had words of wisdom... I don’t but just want you to know thinking about you...
Cora
Cora
I feel you AshnEmber. My spouse gives me sad puppy dog eyes too and it breaks my heart.