IM NOT SURE WHERE TO START? I'M THANKFUL THIS SUPPORT GROUP EXISTS, I WASN'T SURE WHERE TO TURN I CAN'T TALK TO MY KIDS, FAMILY OR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. I APOLOGIZE AHEAD OF TIME FOR NOT KNOWING THE PROPER TERMINOLOGY! I DO NOT WANT TO A OFFEND ANYONE.

HERE'S OUR STORY.....

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 27YEARS. HE IS A VERY RESPECTED HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IN THE CITY WE LIVE IN. HAS BEEN IN PRACTICE HERE FOR 30 YRS. I WORK IN THE OFFICE SO WE ARE TOGETHER MOST OF THE TIME 24 HOURS 7 DAYS A WEEK. WE HAVE HAD OUR SHARE OF UPS AND DOWNS. I HAD TWO KIDS FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE AND WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER. THE KIDS WERE 3 AND 1 WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND, THEY KNOW HIM AS THE ONLY DAD THEY HAVE EVER HAD. MY EX WAS NEVER IN THEIR LIFE. THEY ARE OLDER NOW 30,27,24. OUR OLDEST SON IS MARRIED, HIM AND HIS WIFE GAVE US OUR FIRST GRANDBABY 3YRS AGO. I AM 57 MY HUSBAND 56. SO WE HAVE BEEN EMPTY NESTERS FOR A WHILE. THROUGHOUT THE YEARS WE BOTH GAINED WEIGHT, LAST YEAR WE BOTH LOST 45 AND 50 POUNDS. WE LOOK GREAT, FEEL GOOD AND OUR SEX LIFE WAS INCREDIBLE TO SAY THE LEAST. I COMMENTED TO HIM WHY DIDN'T WE LOOSE WEIGHT YEARS AGO? THEN ONE DAY 5 MONTHS AGO IT ALL STOPPED! I THOUGHT HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR BECAUSE HE WAS VERY DISTANT, LEAVE THE HOUSE AT NIGHT TO SUPPOSEDLY GO TO THE STORE.  THE AFFECTION STOPPED, I'D WALK AROUND WITH BARELY ANYTHING ON, HE WAS NOT INTRESTED! LIKE HE DIDN'T NOTICE ME AT ALL. THEN ONE MORNING HE WOKE ME UP AT 1:30AM NEEDING TO TALK. HE WAS WEARING MAKEUP,WOMENS CLOTHES AND TOLD ME HE WANTS TO BE A FEMALE!? I WAS SHOCKED ! I COULD FEEL MY BLOOD PRESSURE ELEVATING. MAYBE HE'S PLAYING A JOKE. NO, HE WAS VERY SERIOUS. I STARTED CRYING THEN I BECAME VERY ANGRY! DAYS PASSED BEFORE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS AGAIN. HE WAS MAD AT ME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THAT I'D BE OK WITH IT.THEN HE DISCUSSED WITH ME THAT HE JUST WANTS TO EXPERIMENT AND TAKE SUPPLEMENTS TO SEE IF THEY WOULD MAKE HIM HAVE THE FEELINGS THAT FEMALES HAVE. I SAID OK WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY,ALTHOUGH I WASNT HAPPY, AND CONFUSED. HE STARTED PAINTING HIS TOENAILS, SHAVING HIS ENTIRE BODY HAIR OFF, EXCEPT HIS HEAD HE'S GROWING IT OUT. HE'S WEARING PANTIES AND BRA'S UNDERNEATH HIS CLOTHES. HE ORDERED FEMALE SHOES AND LOOKING BACK HEWAS ALWAYS LOOKING AT DIFFRENT SITES FOR FEMALE CLOTHES ,SHOES, JEWLERY AND WOULD ALWAYS ASK IF I LIKED THEM I LOVED THEM I THOUGHT HE WAS LOOKING FOR ME AND GOING TO BUY THEM FOR ME. IT WAS REALLY FOR HIM. TWO DAYS AGO HE MENTIONED THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO START HRT, HE'S BEEN TAKING THE SUPPLEMENTS(BOVINE OVARY, FENUGREEK) ABOUT 3MONTHS . AGAIN, MY REACTION WAS NOT WHAT HE WANTED IT TO BE. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO A FEMALE. SO OF COURSE HE WAS VERY UPSET WITH ME AND DIDN'T WANT TO TALK OR EVEN LOOK AT ME. I THEN TOLD HIM CALL AND SCHEDULE THE APPOINTMENT TO DISCUSS HRT AND JUST DO IT. I'M MISERABLE. HE'S MISERABLE.

HE CALLED A CLINIC AND SCHEDULED THE APPOINTMENT. HE GOT HIS WAY AND WAS/IS ON CLOUD 9.

I HAVE BEEN SAD, DEPRESSED, CONFUSED, ANGRY AND CRY ALOT, CAN'T SLEEP, BARELY EAT. WE HAVE NO INTAMACY AT ALL ANYMORE! I FEEL LIKE HE IS JUST NOT INTO ME ANYMORE I FEEL NOTHING! NO HUGS,NO KISSES NO HOLDING HANDS. WE BARELY TALK AT HOME AS WELL AT THE OFFICE. I'M IN ONE ROOM HE GOES TO THE OTHER.  I FEEL LIKE WE ARE ROOMATES AT THIS POINT.WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, BUT HE TURNS ONE WAY I TURN THE OTHER. IT'S REALLY HEARTBREAKING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING THROUGH OR WHAT HE'S FEELING INSIDE HIS MIND. BUT IT HAS AFFECTED BOTH OF US BIG TIME. I TOLD HIM TODAY THAT I WOULD RATHER HIM BE GAY BECAUSE HIS PHYSICAL APPEARENCE WOULD NOT CHANGE. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THIS. I'M SRUGGLING AND NEED ADVICE. I LOVE THIS MAN DEARLY. IF TRANSITIONG MTF MAKES HIS LIFE BETTER THEN I GUESS HE NEEDS TO DO THIS.  I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I WILL BE HAPPY. I KNOW I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM. 

HIS LIFE AND MY LIFE HAVE BEEN AND WILL BE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. 

MY APOLOGIES FOR A VERY LONG POST.