Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
So, I just got back from our endocrinologist appointment. My spouse was really nervous about it, but I'm glad we went and I think afterwards he was glad as well.
Overrall, we didn't really learn anything new--athough the T-blocker the endo usually puts people on was called something my spouse was unfamilar with. The endo suggested my spouse can just go on estrogen, and not the T-blocker, but that would just re-arrange muscle/some fat. All of her patients do both.
The endo suggested that my spouse could go on the HRT, but then drop it if its not what my spouse wants. Of course, even just trying it could premanently affect fertility.
My spouse asked if she had any non-binary patients and she said no. Although, she did talk about one patient who went on T temporarily just to change his voice. Apparently, in ftm situations, the vocal change is a permenant one.
We had some questions about sperm banking, but the endo didn't have solid knowledge about that, but she recommended a urologist. I think we'll probably see the urologist, even if my spouse doesn't want to do HRT. Since I have fertility problems, I'm wondering how much sperm my spouse would need to bank. I'm guessing the ideal plan would be for him to do HRT after we have a kid, which leds me to my next issue....
So, I think I want to consult a lawyer. Our couples therapist keeps telling me that my spouse never/may never come to any decisions about his identity. I'm thinking that even if I can accept that, there's still the fact that my salary will be less than his in the foreseeable future and we live in NYC--I'm not sure we both can afford two two bedroom apartments. If we have a kid, could we support a two bedroom place and have my spouse live in a studio apt? I need to crunch the numbers.
Lastly, there's just the issue of my spouse's identity journey. It's so frustrating because my spouse always asks me what I don't what to happen, but I'm like, well, what do you want to do, and then he just turns the question around on me again. I get why he's asking me, but at the end of the day, this is about my spouse's journey. Only he can know who he wants to be.
I'm interested in the E and no T-blockers option as that is what my partner would prefer - apparently it's more normal for the older person.
And so with you about the identity thing. My partner is as confused as ever about where on the gender spectrum he is. He thinks (hopes) the oestrogen will help him find the answer. I'm not sure if if works like that.
I do wish my partner would ask me questions, but he really never does, nor does he actually tell me anything unless I prize it out of him....
I have nothing to add, just wanted to send a hug <3
We're still together currently, living in the same place. I went off on a vacation recently which was really good for me to get out of the house. My spouse really missed me, but it's tough because on one hand, he's really clingy, and on the other, well, I don't know. I think separation would be tricky, cuz then everyone would know that we are having problems, but I guess we'll see.
GR--thanks! :) :) My spouse suggested the other day that scenario. Currently, I don't see using the sperm if we got divorced. I'm not sure what the point would be--particularly if he doesn't want to transition. Overall, I was really excited about having a family and life together. If we can't be happy with the two of us, bringing in a third when we are living separately probably would make things just more stressful. :/
Just some things to consider. This is not easy.
My spouse has been taking hormones and it has changed our life together. I don't know what the future will bring us, but I try to be prepared for what may come. For now, he says he won't transition and the hormones are enough. I always wonder if that will change some day. Will I be prepared and how will I react?
You are right, Cora. This all brings extra stress into our lives that we never expected. I am thinking of you and sending my support.
Yeah, for most things, I feel very comfortable to co-parent with my partner. But he's the one who seems more reluctant to bring a child into the world, so it could be that ultimately he doesn't want kids at all at this point.
Anywho, I told him he should talk to her therapist about it and he saw his therapist last night. He mentioned this morning that he is leaning towards talking estrogen because he wants to try it, but he doesn't feel like woman. I told him that it's his body, so he has to do what he needs to do.
My fear is actually not that he likes being on estrogen, but that he'll try it and not like it, and then he'll permanently damage his fertility or his body and he'll still be depressed and upset.
I spoke to my therapist about my fears about how my infertility is not going to really jive with him on estrogen/sperm banking. She made the point that hey, say he banks 24 vials and you don't get pregnant after all that, maybe it wasn't going to happen anyway. And that's a good point. She mentioned that if it comes down to it, I would probably have to do IVF and I have some options.
But I suppose on the upside, perhaps this means we'll be getting out of limbo soon, so that's a positive, regardless of what the future may bring.