Hey Kate, I can totally relate. After 20 years of marriage, I had no clue. When faced with the items from crossdressing that I found out about (including wig, makeup and bra), I was so naive that I thought he was having an affair. It is a lot to process. It still seems unreal to me after almost a year of knowing. My husband had not been drinking, but our marriage was similarly going bad. He was so grumpy and mean and controlling. And he seemed to grow more distant every year. I felt like a single parent. On the plus side, him being out (to me only still) has changed a lot of that bad stuff. He is a much better spouse and dad, and we are working on improving our relationship all the time. (He still identifies male and goes by male pronouns.) My biggest suggestion is get into counseling fast. Find someone who has experience with gender issues and seems balanced. Go together and go separately. Make sure you both know, no more secrets but go easy on him if he messes up as he has likely developed certain habits over the years as he has kept this hidden from the world and it may be difficult for him to let his guard down. Please use this community for support. It is a great resource. I don't know what I would do without a bunch of ladies (it seems to be mostly women) who are in the same boat. It can be a very isolating experience. Not many others know how to relate if you ever feel comfortable talking to someone. Hang in there. The first two weeks were the roughest for me.

Hugs

The first two months were the worst for me, but every week was different! This is a tough and horriby difficult process but you two will find some understanding in ecah other through it.

If you fidn youre not able to care for youself, do you have anyone you can reach out to? A friend or parent? My mother was the only thing that got me yhrough it. Granted she is extremely understanding. Either way, you need someone you can talk to and who can help you and your child if you begin to struggle. I dont have kids but im a full time nanny. It was a lot of gliding through the day and crying in the bathroom. But eventually the kids became such a good distraction, i iust preferred to be with them. I hope you can find some support and physical help with your kid, and know that we are always here! Please write! Get all yor feelings out there in this safe space!

Thanks for your thoughts and support. We were able to connect with our marriage counselor by phone today (we had been seeing someone for a year), got referrals to 2 individual counselors, and booked appointments within the next couple of days. It's been a rough day, but it feels good to be making that step at least.

We are here to support you Kate! *hugs*

I've found it really tough trying to support my spouse but also deal with my own feelings. Be really kind to yourself and make sure you take some time to do things that make you happy. *hugs*

Kate, did you get in to see anyone yet? If so, how did it go?

Thinking of you...

Thanks gallinarosa. It means a lot that you checked in. It’s been quite a week. I keep thinking about the fact that 3 hours from now will mark 1 week from the moment I found out. What a life altering week.

I was able to find and see an individual therapist last Thursday. Perhaps equally important, my husband met with an individual therapist yesterday and felt like it was a good match. We see our couples therapist next Tuesday and both will continue to engage in individual therapy. In addition, my husband allowed me to tell one very trusted friend and having her support has been immeasurable.

All in all, I’m working on just putting one foot in front of the other. I feel a little less emotional overall. I even find occasional moments where I feel “normal” and almost forget it’s happening. A week ago I would have thought that was impossible. I know there is a long and uncertain road ahead. Please never doubt that the kindness of strangers can truly be a lifeline. I appreciate that.