So, last Friday my spouse and I went to a new couples therapist. My spouse didn't feel validated by our current therapist and I found that he was being a bit rude to her as a result. That's not going to get us anywhere. So, this new therapist was recommended by his individual therapist. 

Anyway, so this therapist is gender non-binary. They use they/them pronouns, although their name and appearance read as male. My spouse suggested that perhaps they had considered themselves a trans man at some point. 

It was just one session, but I thought it went really well. My spouse behaved himself and I think it was really helpful to have someone who was non-binary because when my spouse talked about being disassociative and compartmentalizing, the therapist immediately knew what he was talking about and asked more pointed questions. I felt like I was understanding more what is going on my spouse and I felt like the therapist could push him better than me or our previous therapist to really think about what he wants and needs. 

The therapist asked us what we wanted to achive with the sessions. I forgot what my husband said, and I hedged. I didn't feel I could say, "I just want everything to go away!" but I said, "Whatever the decision is, I want everyone to be ok with that." That still may be a tall order, but if I'm going to get a divorce, I want to make sure I thoroughly understand why I'm getting one! 

I know some have mentioned that they are afriad that a non-binary therapist would take my spouse's "side", but I didn't feel that way. I think the therapist asked my spouse more questions, but I thought it was helpful to hear my spouses's thoughts in that way instead of my spouse trying to placate me (or something). 

I'll report back as it goes on!