Hi Giggles90,
I'm also recently married and had a hard time accepting all the changes. I'm female and my spouse decided one month ago to start living as a female. I knew she would cross dress from time to time but I never thought she was planning on transitioning.


Honestly, the past two weeks were the hardest weeks of my life to date. The best way I could describe it is :my spouses life was turned right side up and mine was turned upside down.

First, consider therapy. Second, consider couples therapy. *make sure they are trans aware*
Third, take your time to process everything. You dont have to make any decisions right away.
I threw myself a pity party for two weeks, cried all the time, begged her to come back as my husband, felt angry, ashamed and resentful of what I thought she was doing to us.

I never imagined I'd be in this type of marriage and i was worried about what others would think. Ultimately, I realized that I needed to decide what made me happy. I'm trying to read as much as possible about being trans, reading articles that describe what happens to a marriage when one partner is trans etc etc


Ultimately you have To decide if you are willing to navigate this process with your partner together.also remember that It's okay to be feel both positive and negative feelings. This is a scary time and will challenge you and your partner but it can also be a beautiful growing experience.

I'm here for you if you need to chat in detail

I'm in the same boat. We have been married for three years. I had no idea he was into this and he didn't either until this year. I support him because I love him, but I do not know if I can stay in this marriage. I am not attracted to women. I don't see myself being intimate with him if he is dressed like a woman or has breasts (which he wants). I feel like my life has been turned upside down! I have cried and cried for the man he was. I feel like that man has died. It is very difficult and I cannot tell my family. They would never understand.

I feel the same thing. Grieving is the only way I can express the way I feel about his gender issues (yet to be fully defined). My husband started out just masturbating with one of my bras on in secret... I caught him one day. Me that we have talked and I am trying to understand him, he now has a few of his own items... I feel like now it's worse than when it was done in secret! He says he doesn't want to transition (but if he could he would) but that he would love to take HRT to soften his skin, grow breasts, and have more womanly features. I told him that if he took the HRT, his sex drive (unable to get an errection) would be gone and where would that leave me???? So now I'm afraid to trust that he won't eventually want to transition down the road! It's such a feeling of being in limbo. My life is so upside down but his is better because he now can explore that part of him.

Do any if you spouses have a partner who is mostly a man (no feminineity on the outside) but secretly feels like a woman inside (he says sometimes he feels pleasure from feeling like a woman but mostly he feels like a man)?

I want to thank you all for being here. I'm a gay woman and married my wife who is transitioning into a male. Being "in" the community, I feel even more conflicted... as I'm struggling with the multitude of emotions colliding at once. Its still fresh, but she's already started hormones and I'm looking around every corner for a way to re-frame this. I have volleyed from grief, to acceptance, to anger, back to selfless joy (for her embarking on this journey) and then self pity etc. The challenge is just that it ALL happens at once... all the emotions.

I will be seeking counseling and perhaps a face-to-face group, but as I'm already in the LGBTQ community, I think I like seeking help outside of that... it can be such a small community.

My husband just came out as a transgender bi-sexual 8 days ago after almost 12 years of marriage and 14 years together after he accidentally left a pair of heels out. We also have two children together. It was a complete and utter shock. My husband is 6'3 320pds, likes hunting, carpentry, etc. no famine qualities at all. I have never cried so much in my life and had one really bad panic attack. I love my husband so much, he is my best friend. I felt betrayed though that he kept this from me. I also feel sorry for him that he had to hide his true self from everyone including me. I want to stay with him but I'm fearful I will lose my attraction to him as he begins to change. I'm fearful of how the community, friends and family will react when he becomes public, I'm fearful of how it will affect our children and their lives (although somewhat positive that it will help my son who is more on the feminate side), and more importantly, I'm fearful for him: his physical and emotional safety. I am fully accepting of all types of people including transgender, I just never imagined I would be married to one. I've been doing as much research as I can and we went to our first couples counseling session yesterday with another scheduled for Monday. My husband is already in individual therapy and I am going to be looking for a therapist myself. I just want to meet and talk with other woman who are going through the same thing as I am for support and advise.