Looks like he really needs to figure it out himself. My counselor said I can only support and help so much until they need to do it themselves. It's hard, because you've been invested with someone for so long and have all these things with them including children, but in the end you might not want to be with a woman. Plus, the decomposing of your emotional state is disheartening. You don't need that emotional abuse, especially with kids around.

It's hard to figure out what are the right choices. He may benefit for getting in hormones if he's not already. I know my husband felt better after being on hormones. But we are so back and forth. I myself don't really.see myself with a woman and finally understanding that it might a rough road ahead of he stay or not. But we cannot lie about feeling or else it'll be unhealthy for yourself and him.

Do you really want to be with someone like Him, now that he's teetering being a woman and has these outbursts of negativity and emotional abuse?

Thank you for your input. I am having such a hard time deciding what to do. I have invested all of my time into him and our family, which is what makes this so hard. That and I am so financially dependent on him because I'm a stay at home mom.
He hasn't started hormones because the therapist said with his size, the likelyhood of him having growth or development of breasts and stuff are very likely, so he is "afraid."
And if I say I'm done, he will just say, "oh it's not worth loosing you, I'll change it." So then what do you do? Give it another shot? Or walk away?

You are in a really rough place. Be careful not to loose your self. Be sure you have a support system. Find someone you trust to talk to about how YOU feel and how YOU are doing. I would also suggest getting a part time job. Make some money of your own. Being financially dependent on your husband can make sorting out your your feelings even more difficult. What do you want your marriage and family to be like? You can't force yourself to be attracted to a woman. If your marriage is not a partnership, and everything is about HIM and his wanting to be a woman, and you are his emotional punching bag, it can be destructive to you health and well being. How many times do you give it another shot? Being Trans is not something that a person can change.

I eventually chose to divorce my husband. Life with him was a constant emotional roller coaster. I couldn't take it any more. I stayed too long to maintain the illusion of family for my children. I would not do it again. Leaving him has not been easy. It has been a difficult journey. I can report I am happier and healthier and those around me see it. Only you can know what is right for you.

Strength & Courage

Thank you, I'm trying to not loose myself. I just reached out to my parents, and they told me they will help me in any way they can. They want to help me get back to school too so I can have a life for my kids.
After talking to a few people I think I've figured out I can't do this anymore. I appreciate you sharing you tried for you and your kids to stay a family. That's where I have been for a while. But I think it's turning unhealthy. I hope we can be happier and healthier too. Thank you.

It may be that "he" actually is gender-neutral. There are such people. I was married for 25 years before my WASband told me that she figured out she was actually a woman. That was Two years ago… It was rough because the dysphoria, which is actually the person expressing being mixed up, was so strong and she was so rotten and nasty… But we are in a much better place now, and my marriage has never been stronger. There are Facebook groups that your "husband" can join… One of them, for people who feel that they are indeed both genders, or neither, is called "you and your gender identity, a guide to discovery" .... it's a support group. It can be found on Facebook and is run by Dara Hoffman. She is a certified gender therapist and works with people who don't know what they are to help them figure out who they are. She does have a second group also but I can't remember the name, I will ask my wife when she finishes mowing the lawn. My wife Ronnie Marica is one of the moderators of the group. ........ Oh it's called "ask a gender therapist".

For YOU, if you would like to join a group called "wives of t– wives" ... please just send me a message on messenger and I will be glad to add you. We are just getting started… But we knew that people who did want to save their marriages because they love their spouse needed to have someplace to go to cry and complain when necessary ... and have a place to rejoice too. We have all been there. There's only three of us on this group now, we only started it a few weeks ago, but we are right there with you and can help you make it through the rough spots. Because really, everyone, no matter who it is, just wants to be accepted for who they are. And when a spouse is trying to figure out who they really are, it can be a little rough for the whole family, but love can see you through. One of us girls even writes magazine articles about some of the issues we face and post them on the website as well as getting them published in other places. You might find that information helpful. (And yes we do explore the sex subject. For those of us that are not by sexual or lesbian, but heterosexual, we call ourselves "monosexual" ... meaning usually heterosexual but in love with and attracted to ONE person no matter what they are.)

You're not alone. It can be done, and your marriage can be successful. Send a message on messenger to either Elaine Schiano Silverman Or to Teresa Moore and we will add you. Hope to hear from you soon.