Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hi everyone. I'm a cisgender woman in her early thirties and a month ago my husband told me he thinks he's transgender. We've been together for 7 years and we got married last year. He tells me this has never occured to him before, but it started to make sense to him two months ago. Lately I've been incredibly stressed out with work and he dropped this bombshell in the middle of this stress. To make my life even more of a mess, these past few months, I've been working on fertility treatments so we can have a child. I moved forward with the procedure this past Sunday thinking that whatever happens, I still wanted to have a child with him. Today I put my foot down and told him that I would like to wait to until our hypothetical kid is at least a year old before we tell friends and family. I refuse to put our families through this when they should be happy about a baby. He said he was on aboard with that.
We went to see a therapist this week and he is scheduled to see a different therapist to discuss transition in two weeks. Today I reached out to a local support group. I really can't believe this is my life now. This was not on my list of things to deal with and with potentially a baby on the way and with work, I feel so incredibly overwhelmed, I am barely keeping it together.
It's been incredibly helpful to read everyone's stories on this message board. One writer talked about her husband shaving his beard and how she felt so sad about it and how weird it was to be so obssessed with his beard--"What's with me and his beard!? Do I love the beard more than my husband?!" I burst out laughing! This is exactly how I feel about my husband's goatee! Last night he told me how he wanted to do laser hair removal and I just had a meltdown.
I could go on, but if I did, it would be a novel. I've been feeling so many different feelings, I can't even list them all.
Thank you for listening.
Can you get your husband to slow down the pace enough for you to have time to process everything? If he only just realized all this himself two months ago, it seems rather quick to head right off to talk about his transition after only one therapy session! My husband knew he was transgender for 10 years before telling me and he has been going to therapy once a week since coming out to me. Thankfully for me, he is in no rush and his slow pace has allowed him to do some real self discovery. There is a lot more to being transgender than just making a diagnosis and then heading off for HRT and SRS. Also, I feel like his partner in this self discovery process which I personally like because I feel like I know everything and nothing is being kept from me. Not knowing is always scarier for me. And doing this together has brought us much closer. So, I don't know anything but my own experience, but it seems like taking it more slowly might help your state of mind.
Nearly 10 weeks out and I admit, it still feels quite unreal, and I am still quite obsessive in my head (I can't stop thinking about and have trouble focusing on other things). BUT, I am much happier, much less weepy, less freaked out in general. And my worries have been going away. I am still scared about the future, and have plenty of worries, but I feel more in control of them now. And I think the things that helped me get to this point were mostly just time, talking, and honesty. Plus my husband has been super nice and considerate since he came out which makes me feel like I have something that I want to save instead of abandon.
Please use this group to help you feel less alone, to gripe, to get advice. Best to you!
Timeline wise you and i are in the same place. My husband also told me a month ago. My world has come crashing down on me. We have been married for 6 years and have 2 young children. I am 30 and did not envision my life like this at all. You say your husband is already talking about transition that is really scary. My husband does not want to change anything at this time because of the kids and also he is not sure whether he wants to just uproot his life and go on this journey. I think he is not ready yet. But none the less the future is very scare of what is to come. Like gallinarosa said it takes time. My husband however does not want to talk about this alot. Its like he told me a secret and now just wants to move on . I wish it was that simple. Its scary to know so many of us are in this situation and seems like someone new joining this forum every day. But hang in there. We are all here for each other.