Things have been busy, and I haven't been here in some time. I don't remember when I last posted, so forgive me if I am repeating myself. 

My divorce has been finalized. We sold the marital home, and I bought a townhome for myself and my kids. We will be starting renovations soon, so that will be a bit of a headache, but it will be MINE. I get to do whatever I want with it, so that is pretty exciting for me. When I was married, I always held back doing things like this because I wasn't working and didn't feel free to spend a lot of money since I wasn't the one who earned it. But believe me... I earned every penny of the support I am paid.

I also changed my name. I never actually liked my married name, but I took his name anyway because I am fairly traditional that way. I was thrilled to go back to my maiden name. It felt like a big step in reclaiming my identity. It is so much more involved changing it now than it was 25 years ago though. Wow. I have been working on it for a month or more and will be for a little longer. With all the identity theft and stuff, I appreciate that it is harder, but everyone needs all the proof (and not just the new driver's license) that I legally changed my name. Crazy.

At the beginning of the year, I started with a new therapist - one familiar with betrayal trauma, and it has been life-changing for me. She has since released me because she feels what healing I have left to do will take some time and is something I can do on my own using the tools she gave me. So far, so good. However, I will probably start seeing her again at some point. I am still extremely distrustful and cannot see myself ever being able to go "all in" in a relationship again, but I know that I want to be able to do that at some point in the future. Shoot. Just acknowledging that I would want another relationship shows how far I have come.

The kids are also doing well and have adapted to these changes pretty quickly. My oldest (20) was bummed about the name change but understands that it is something I had to do.

All in all... we are doing well. I am excited to be starting this new chapter and can't wait to see what the future holds. I am in my mid-50s, so starting older was scary, but it was absolutely the right decision for me.