Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hi guys,
I'm really new to this and I'm new to opening up to people, but I decided that I need to talk to people who are in the same situation I am. Recently my boyfriend told me that he identifies as a woman, and I don't know how to feel or how to act around him. This is a confusing time for me now to because I had plans for our future and this news has broke me. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I'm afraid that my demons will drag me down as I feel betrayed. I've found numerous items in our bedroom and each time I find a new one it makes me cry, for example he has a separate underwear draw for women's underwear, there is a wig in our wardrobe and he wants me to teach him how to do make up. Has anyone got any advice that can help me learn to cope and accept what is happening within my life? Because although it's hard for him, it's also hard for me. Can someone please help me:'(
I wish someone would have given me that advice, but no one could because we kept it secret.
A few years after we married, he told me about his gender confusion. I supported his search. Twenty years on, we are getting a divorce.
I diminished myself by staying. I am decompressing now. There are so many hurtful conversations and frightening images from our time together.
While we were together, I stopped being able to cry. I tried to insulate myself by denying the conversations and the scenes. So, I grew a hardened shell. It wasn't me.
Now, six months without him, I find that I am ultra-sensitive to emotionally toxic atmospheres. It is because I am relaxing now and able to be receptive to what's around me rather than guarding myself against it.
Leave and save yourself. This is the most loving and caring advice that I can give to you.
I finally had an awakening of sorts and realized that I was hurting just too much and I could feel myself slipping away. Becoming a woman has consumed my husband regardless of the fact that we have 2 small children. Everyone he loved and cared about has been put aside on his quest to fulfill this need he has had for so long.
I filed for divorce 2 months ago. I still love him so very much and wish we could have the future that we planned but he is so blinded by this. Sure, he might come out of it someday but I refuse to spend years waiting for that possibility. Besides, who's to say he would even still want ME at the end of all of this? So I understand the desire to hope/want things to work and I have no doubt that it will for some, but unfortunately the odds are against you. But only you can make that choice and only when you have finally realized if this is what you want for yourself.
In a loose quote (I can't find the exact post) from a feminist blog about this topic; when she told her therapist that she intended to stay with her husband (this was right after he came out) her therapist said "I support your decision but you're in for a world of hurt." And that's all this has been for me anyway, is a world of hurt.
Keep this in mind when others warn you about getting out. I would offer the same advice but I know that you can only make that choice once you have come to it, if that makes any sense.
Here's the blog: https://transwidow.wordpress.com/
She can be a little radical sometimes, in my opinion, but other times she hits the nail right on the head.