Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
I find myself coning here on my dark daysdays.
I had a really hard week. The arm hair was shaved off and I guess you can say that was the catalyst for a host of emotions to shine through
How do I navigate the narcissistic behavior?
How do I trust?
When does the selfishness end?
At what point do I say enough is enough
Dealing with a narc is hard. For me, there are 2 strategies that I use to navigate the narc waters. One is to go "grey rock" as much as possible. You are your narc"s primary fuel source, so if you grey rock and don't react, he doesn't get fed. A negative reaction feeds him just as much (as sometimes even more) than a positive one, so no reaction at all is best. Things will get worse before they get better because he needs his fix and you will be denying him that, so he will probably step up his game to try to get that fix/reaction. That is why it will get worse. However, eventually, he will realize you are no longer a good source and he will move on.
When you do react, you need to call out his inaccuracies. Narcs don't like being faced with facts, and if you are like me, you would let things slide just to not start something and keep the peace. Well, that fuels them, too, so call out those things - even the small ones.
Anyway, that is how I handled it.
How do you trust? I don't know. I count my inability to trust as one of my biggest losses in all of this. My therapist says that I will eventually be able to trust again one day, but I'm not entirely sure I believe her.
When does the selfishness end? I have no idea. It has been 5 years for us, and it is as bad as ever. In fact, my attorney, who made it clear that she is there to represent my interests in the division of the marital assets and not to pass judgement on either party's actions, even told me when it was all done that she had gone up against a lot of selfish spouses and had even had to represent a few herself, but that my spouse was on a whole different level. She said she had never seen that kind of selfishness.
Now, this is, of course, just my experience. Your experience is your own, and that also means that you are the only one who can say when enough is enough. For me, it was when the thought of her retiring and being home all the time and growing old together filled me with dread when previously, it had been something I had been looking forward to. My spouse traveled for a living, and my best times and most peaceful times were when she was gone.
I'm sorry. I know that probably isn't what you were wanting to hear, and I wish I could be more encouraging. However, you are worthy of happiness and joy and peace, and I hope you are able to find that.
Also, I just want to say that for some reason, my spouse hates arm hair too and he thinks my arm hair is disgusting, but I just want to say that my blonde arm hair is very beautiful and cute!
and i was at the point that i was so disgusted that a man had LESS hair than I did, too an electric shaver and took all of my arm hair off as well
in some mental breakdown I am sure of being tired of being more hairy than a man
So i get it!