I think this is so important. It is really what makes it harder for a significant other to be supportive, more than anyone else in a transperson's life. It is why there is so much pain in the transition. And it is what gets forgotten when the spouses are not given enough support and respect.

For me, my husband is still presenting as a man and says he does not think he would ever want to change that. So I still have my attraction for him. But I *KNOW*. I know he is a woman. I know he is a lesbian. I know I am in a lesbian relationship. I know I will always be the more alpha one in the relationship. I know I will always do most of the "male" chores around the house. And I know that he hates many of the things that I love about him. All that is sometimes hard to reconcile. I know it does not affect my love for him but I am not sure if or how it is related to attraction. Plus I know him presenting as a man may not last forever. So I occasionally dip my toe in to test the water and imagine how I would feel if that were to change. And my honest answer is that I don't know. I find that uncertainty scary. But I definitely love him and that will take us a long away and help keep us close as we figure it all out.

Hugs to you!

That is such a good question. I haven't seen him in full female mode, but as I've said, he's very subtle. He looks ok with make up, but he only ever uses a smidgen. He came home today, and he is wearing rather flat breast forms - I can't see them but can feel them. That is the first time he has worn those in front of me. I see in another post (was it you Zindagi?) that your guy showed you a photo. I have asked my guy to let me see him in his female mode - which I assume will be in the underwear with breast forms, but he thinks I will laugh at him. Maybe I will, but it's more likely I will cry. I know he has taken photos of himself, perhaps I will ask to see some of those. Unlike you, GR, I still don't know if he IS a woman - he still doesn't know and I guess only therapy will help on that score. He is certainly leaning that way though. However I don't see our roles changing - is that to be expected? He still does all the 'guy' stuff around the house, the fixing things, setting up electronics etc. But he has also always been good at housework and cleaning - just as well, as I've let things go somewhat lately.
I don't know if I would find him attractive as a woman. Would I just see him as him in disguise? I wonder at what point (assuming he does transition) that would change. Scary thought indeed. What a huge learning curve this is all going to be....

Zindagi, as I said in the other post I've known about my husband's dressing as a woman for years and we've always had an unspoken agreement that I won't have sex with him when he's like that because I'm not attracted to him then (well only once recently when I'd had a bit too much wine). I still love him when he's in female mode though. On the other hand he is fine to come to bed in male mode.

GR & Syl, I feel like my husband is different again. He likes presenting as female because it feels natural and comfortable to him. He looks good because he's age appropriate and has learned a lot over the years, although I'm not sexually attracted to him when he's in female mode. Recently he's decided to give away the breast forms because he feels phoney wearing them. On the other hand he doesn't identify as female now. He still does stuff around the house although I've always done a fair bit of that myself anyway.