Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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Relationships & Sexuality
/ Spouses of Transgender Support Group

lasbian couple together threw Ftm transition

Queasha
Queasha

Idk where to start . I have been in a realationship with my girlfriend for 3 yrs she is perfect in evryway. Iv nvr been so deeply in love or happy. Iv always know she really wanted to transition to male. But i nvr would have thought how hard it would be for me . I nvr had a problem with transgender people. In fact i had always overly suported them. For me the problem was just being in a realationship with a man. It literally scares me. Im afraid if she does decide she wants to change pronouns and start on t i wont be able to get over my general fear of men that iv developed ovr my lifetime of abuse. Part of me knows that if she says she is trans then iv already been in a realtionship with this man but the other part of me feels like she will change completly . I think my biggest fear is that the change will giv her such a confidence boost she wont evn want to be with me anymore . Someone please tell me im crazy and my anxiety and depression are getting the better of me and half my worries r in my head . Idk how to move forward . Help me plz 

Cora
Cora
Hi Queasha, your feelings are totally normal. The uncertainty really gets to me too. The way I deal with it is that I tell myself I don't have to make any decisions right now and I can take it one day at a time. It's really important to take care of yourself during this time.
loglady13
loglady13
My wife just told me she's bi-gender and wants to start using a masculine name sometimes. I feel a lot of fear about it too.

What if I'm not good enough anymore?

That's what I keep thinking. I don't know why. I think these feelings are normal. You're not crazy, but if you feel like your anxiety and depression are getting the better of you it might not be a bad idea to get some therapy
lovehimtopieces
lovehimtopieces
I am currently in a relationship with my 1&1/2 year boyfriend (ftm). I fell in love with him as a girl, before he came out to me and I had the same issue as you. I have had a huge history of abuse and a soup of things related to men, and have grown afraid of them since I was a child. This really did scare me when he told me about being male, but I taught myself to think of this: I fell in love with who they are (notice no pronoun), and not what gender they are. I fell in love with their heart, and their laugh, and their smile. Using no pronouns in my head, until I grasped the idea of him being a he really helped me understand that everything would be okay, as long as he knew why I was going to need a little adjusting time, and why I was using no pronouns at first- I hope this helps a little, it really really helped me!
lovehimtopieces
lovehimtopieces
Oh wow! I didn't answer the main question of yours, I apologize. Anxiety& depression are such a bit** in this type of a situation, really. I have them myself and am in therapy for the EXACT reason. He swears he won't leave, but once he realizes he's the best man out there- I'm afraid he'll leave, because I know I'm not the best girl. It is totally normal (I think) to feel like that! I really hope you can get some support from a 2nd/3rd party. I have my friends- but. They aren't as good of a vent system as my therapist is.
Queasha
Queasha
Thank you to all the replys its good to know my worries r normal n some other relationships got threw this
Sylph
Sylph
Hi and welcome to all of you! First thing to say, is you're not alone in your fears and in the uncertainty. Queasha, you have the added issue of a fear of men, I'd suggest that you and your partner really would benefit from therapy about this. On a plus point, because you are already in love with a person who is currently female, maybe this person - who you love, trust and don't fear - becoming a man will be a huge step in conquering this fear. There is no reason why their love for you should change - although I guess this is something that all of us are afraid of to some degree.
It is a really difficult time for all of us, whatever our own gender/sexuality, and all we can do is get through one day at a time, with lots of communication, compromise and commitment.
Syl
cryingdaily
cryingdaily
I am in almost the exact same situation however, to further complicate matters we have a 9yr old daughter together that we conceived through donor sperm. My spouse told me about wanting to transition when our daughter was about 6 mos old. However, during the last 8 yrs or so, she has switched from saying that she'd be fine just getting top surgery. Then she said, maybe she can just be cisgender but without taking hormones, now she is ready to start the process of full transition. The whole time I have been honest that I don't want to have a physical relationship with a man and more than she would. Now all of a sudden she said that she can't worry about me or what I want or not. We don't have any friends in the LGBTQ community and our other friends might not understand enough to be supportive. We both fear we will lose all of the relationships we have built together. I'm scared and I'm worried about how our daughter will handle all of this.
gallinarosa
gallinarosa
Cryingdaily, sounds like you need someone to help you both talk about possible compromises. It is overwhelming when all worst-case scenarios are thrown at you at once. If you can find a good counselor, they will be invaluable!. Hugs!