Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
It wasn't entirely out of the blue when she told me that she wanted to be a woman. She had always identified as genderfluid but always aired on the feminine side. This was okay with me because she didn't mind masculine pronouns and presented as a guy. To some degree, I could entirely ignore her feminine side (which, in retrospect, was stupid on my end). When she finally did come out to me, it took away some of the sting I suppose. I'd always seen it coming but dreaded it none the less.
Now we're here. She's come out to me, is starting hormones and sperm banking in the next month, is changing her wardrobe and pronouns, and has come out to everyone at our college. It seems like her transition is all we talk about every hour of the day and she needs constant affirmation of her being a girl (always telling her how pretty she is, how cute her outfits are, how small and delicate she is, etc.).
I try to be supportive. Most days I can handle it; I can tell her what she wants to hear and listen to her excited rants about hormones. Other days, it feels like she's just shoving it down my throat that she is not the man I started dating.
This is often a rollercoaster ride for anyone on it. I too feel like Superwoman some days and crawling under a rock on others. One thing I have learned here and at therapy is to make sure you are taking care of yourself, looking out for yourself, standing up for yourself, etc. If the transition occupies all of the space in your relationship, let your partner know that won't work. Or find other spaces where you can have some transition-free time to focus on other things, whether it is another friend, a hobby, a group, and activity. And maybe try to engage your partner in other activities that are not transition-related.
You're not alone though. And your feelings aren't crazy. Hang in there!
<3
He too thought he was gender fluid - maybe he still is, who knows? I was ok with gender fluid, but as things are starting to shift I'm finding it harder to cope with.
Agree with GR, you really need to have some 'non-transition' time. I know it's a huge part of your lives, but it really can't be the ONLY thing. She needs to show some sensitivity to how you are feeling, and you need to tell her that. Transition is not just about her, it's about you too. YOU matter too.
Good luck.