Call me stupid but aren't you describing the difference between men and women. I sometimes think testosterone is stupid juice. I'm kidding, but just barely. I think it is messing with his system though, maybe causing heightened effects and some instability.

The mood, shortness, and being defensive part might be med related, and temporary. IDK about the acting out with others. That may because his system is flooded with testosterone and he making poor decisions on top of the hot mess that's hormone therapy.

I'd try to set some boundaries and give him a few months to level out. If he can't get his mess together maybe a short break would be in order. Does he have a good support system? Can you address these issues with the physician prescribing his testosterone?

Hi and welcome. Agree with Gutted, here, it sounds like the testosterone at work (had to laugh at the stupid juice comment!). It's great that you are being so accepting to his gender change, but you do need to talk and find some compromises in this. It's a really hard thing to go through, for both partners.
Good luck xx

Not sure why he would be acting out with other people without your consent. That sounds like something you guys should talk about in your couples counseling session.

He may be taking T, but that's no excuse to be a major jerk.

Hi Haley, sorry you are at a point where you had to find a place like this. Do you know where your spouse stands as far as being committed to the relationship and how willing and open-minded he is when looking at himself? Does he know how you feel he has been and does he agree he is moodier and whatnot? If you haven't already, he needs to know that although you can accept him as a man, you cannot accept being treated poorly and if he values your relationship, he needs to be willing to try some things to fix it or risk it ending (making it clear it would be ending not because he is transgender but because of his actions). If you can get to that point in a considerate way, that's more than half the battle. As Gutted said, it may take a couple more months for the stupid juice to stabilize. Think about how long puberty is! Or maybe it is a matter of tweaking the hormones or something a doctor could help with. The rest might just be you two working out how your relationship has evolved as he has changed and learning and getting used to the differences. I'm sorry you are going through this. Best of luck <3

Hi Haley,

I am in the same boat. My partner is currently being short, defensive and the mood swings are all the time. Not to mention I am a mom and I am juggling a lot currently with being a mom and supporting my partner through their transition. Lately though it seems like my entire relationship is based on sex. If we are not intimate then we are on the road to just being roommates or best friends as my partner states. I on the other hand dont see things that way. I thought a relationship was about being there for each other being able to support each other as well as going on adventures together and so forth. Now it seems like my partner has one a track mind and the romance has just disappeared. All I do is pray things get better at this point because I love my partner very much and see my future with them.

Thank you all for your responses. Sometimes I feel like all we do is talk. We talk about our issues, we talk about our triumphs, we talk about where we stand, we talk about where we were... etc. Between talking in therapy and outside of therapy, I swear that's all we do. Not that talking is bad, but we do a lot of it. I wish things were easier, or even just less stressful. When he stepped out on me once, it was a mistake. When he did it the second time, it became a pattern. He has been told that if it ever happens again, I'm out. I cannot handle that stuff emotionally, and I refuse to allow myself to feel that low again. We both recognized our inability to have an open relationship early on, and this hadn't been a problem before T. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming T and he isn't allowed to either. His actions have consequences and he must suffer them. It's very frustrating that the person I married is merely a dream now. I told him that it's like being married to his twin that I've never met before. I know the puberty part of this is temporary, but he'll be on T permanently. What in the world does my future look like if my worldis getting rocked this hard and this often 3 months in?

Recently my spouse shared with me a chart that details changes that hormones do over the course of two years. Somethings take 6 months to fully change and others takes two years. So, I'm guessing things will get better for you. It can only go up! But I think it depends on how long you can deal with this. It's something I ask myself all the time. I've given myself at least a year.

I feel exactly the same way. Except that my husband has been on testosterone for 3 years and only now is he being short and hurting me terribly with his words. I have stuck by him through thick and thin. Lost everyone in the process because they said I was a lesbian. I am demisexual/pansexual. I had never been with a woman nor have ever been attracted to women. I am only attracted to him and I feel like his last priority.

iv been with my girl friend for 4 years and she also want to be a man she hasnt dont any yet but change her name its really hard shes changed alot and its all my folt shes got a boyfriend that is wanting to be a man to i still love her but i cant right now to bring my self to call her a him yet she want to move her bf in next year but i dont know i feel like a nobuddy and she has a 8 yr old son its hard for plp like us i would love to give edvice but i wouldnt know what to say i can try to help if i cant stop crying long enough to try to help but i would like to try

Hailey, here's a bit of my relevant experience (MTF with quite a few ftm acquaintances).

In addition to being simply stupid juice, testosterone has a huge effect on libido, obviously I've been on both sides of this and while I've regained a strong sex drive since being on hrt for a couple of years, before my sexuality was simply compulsive. It wasn't something I could ignore in the least, just as estrogen has mmade it impossible fir me to push away my emotions.

So some ftm friends have gone very over the deep end with their sexuality. I think a part of this is, not being socialized male, they haven't learned all the ways men contrive to keep that in check.

One guy, much to the anger and disappointment of his partner was spending a couple of evenings a week in Boston's back Bay fens giving oral sex to random guys. I'm not saying this is all ftms at all and this couple had pretty spectacularly bad communication and codependency making things worse.

I would caution you about ultimatums, they never worked on me (though I was given to releasing that male sex drive on myself, not being very comfortable in my own body around others).