So sorry if I ramble here.. haven't been able to talk to no one about this so here it goes....about 3 years ago I came up the stairs and found him fully dressed in a wig, make up, toe rings, toe nail polish, ankle bracelets, bracelets, necklaces, a hot pink thong, with a matching hot pink fish net top oiled skin and those stripper clear heels... I was shocked... never saw it coming... had no one to talk to about this life changing event.  My empathy kicked in when I saw how terrified he was that I was finding him like this.  So I told him I loved him no matter what and maybe I can try to understand.  He dressed more and more and I tried to see the sexy in it.. But I didn't desire him the way I used to.  I had to eventually ask him to do it out of my eyesite because it was affecting the way I looked at him.  His fetish is very degrading to women.  He likes to record himself walking around looking like a prostitute.  He records himself doing other things but I'm not going to go into details.  It absolutely discusses me.  I don't want to know about it.  I can't move out right now.. We have been together almost 10 years... he is not the Father of my kids but he's been more present in there lives than there Dad... And he mostly is dressed as a man when he is around me and the kids don't know.. and he is a manipulator.  He can spin anything around on me.  And when his desire is back on me I can pretend it's just clothes and he's not hitting me or actually cheating on me.. I can try and disconnect it from him and we have our harmonious life back.. but his fetish likes to remind me that his first love is literally himself.  It seems so narcissistic.  He makes these videos which is a turn on and then watches those videos which is a turn on.  I feel like he is cheating on me with himself??? We have fought over this where we won't speak to each other for days.. like last week.. we were doing good.. happy and loving each other.. he said I could sleep late and he would take the boys to school for me.  I thought that was sweet..  I slept late.. my bedroom door was shut when I woke up around noon... I hung out in my bedroom until about 1 pm... I was going to go downstairs to get something to eat and when I open my bedroom door he is fully dressed looking like a prostitute and the smell of baby oil is strong.. he is in his tv room and he quickly changes the input on the tv so I wouldn't see whatever gross thing was on the TV... I just roll my eyes and go downstairs.  The living room has been completely changed.  He had all the furniture, rugs, lamps, plant's, side table... everything pushed against the walls so the living room is big open space.. there is lamps set up all around the area with their lamp shades taken off so they shine bright... there are blankets covering all the windows.. there is a big mirror.. and on the TV is some porn video playing... I lost my shit... I could not believe he did this to our living room.. where my kids hang out.. that's the tv my kids watch movies and play games on... he was recording some sick video of himself and my oldest some gets home from school in a hour!  I told him he left this message for me.. he wanted me to find it... he says fuck your boundary's, this sick fetish has reared its head again and is enjoying seeing me upset... that's the way I see it.. I am numb... so now we go into our silent period.  It's been 5 days and he isn't allowed to sleep in the room with me.. and we don't talk to each other.. he try's to make small talk.. but I can't ignore it anymore... it's just going to get worse.. anyway I am really seeing my future so much better away from him.. And being alone in my room watching the shows we usually watch together alone isn't all that bad.  I'm ready to get off this roller coaster ... I had to get this off my chest.. I know the answers.. but sometimes writing things out for others to hear makes my situation sound crazy as hell.. but I thank you so much for listening to my biggest heaviest secret.. feel better already