I'm sorry to hear you are going through this painful loss/grief/depression. In some ways, it is almost harder than someone dying because they are still there, you just don't recognize them! I am also going through a similar stage of this transitioning with my husband of 8 years. I'm happy to hear you've always gotten along well with "her". It sounds like you have a friend in "her", though she's not who you married. My husband just told me he's been on estrogen for some time now. I've been wondering what makes him suddenly ready to make the big transition- after years of cross-dressing in private, on and off. And I still can't understand why when he is in "female mode", he seems like such a different person. I always thought he'd eventually "find his true self" and integrate the 2 extreme selves into one whole person that feels more authentic than what he's developed as his socially-accepted male identity. Why is "she" so different than the "he" he presents to everyone? I hope you have people to talk to, who will be a good support system for you during this process! He may or may not be able to understand your experience while he's going through this process... That is also part of the loss... a partner being so obsessed with their own intense experience, they are not as compassionate and supportive to your pain and suffering!

Against my better judgement I tried to talk to her the other night about how I was feeling, because she kept asking what was wrong and it was obvious I wasn't ok. It didn't end well. My husband could never communicate, I don't know why I thought she would be able to.

The self obsession is making me crazy. I don't know how many times a day I need to hear, damn I look good, or someone held the door open for me, or idgaf what anybody says I know I'm hot. Seriously I get it. You're happy. Good for you. Just stop already!

I always thought she was the exception to the rule. That she was the one and only mtf trans who wouldn't fit into the stereotypical box of what a trans woman is but she fits perfectly. Every other time he dressed it didn't really feel any different but I don't even know who the hell I'm married to anymore.

I'm so glad I found this forum. I have nobody to talk to.

How long has "she" been full-time? Did she slowly come out or just spring it on everyone outside of your relationship? My spouse just told me two months ago that they are going to transition..... and today is their first hormone appointment. Nothing like moving so fast I've got whiplash. They have a very tight hold on who I can talk to since they don't want me to out them until they are ready and I feel like my soul is rotting not having people to talk to.
I'm so sorry that you're in this position. Was your spouse always self-absorbed and not aware of your needs? Or is this new with the transition? It must be incredibly painful to sort of be left behind to grieve and cope without a second backward glance from her.

The extreme self-centeredness might be one of the worst parts. My husband came out 2 months after my youngest was born and I can't even tell you how hard much harder he made my postpartum period because he was just so damned wrapped up in himself. He loves calling himself a teenage valley girl. He is literally becoming one of the worst kind of woman. One that I would never want to be friends with regardless of all the other stuff. So much time in front of the mirror, so many selfies and I have even caught a couple of "sexy" pictures in MY panites he has taken to share with other transfriends.

Jaxabelle12

It's brutal the self centeredness. When they advance from cd where they are at least pretending to take our feelings into consideration, to full blown revealed (admitted) TG, they really are beyond what they & others refer to as "gender identity crisis to what I believe & read is a psychological & mental health problem. To clarify, I am NOT tgphobic. In fact I used to be a big supporter, until of course I was on the receiving end of it & KNOW the inner workings of a TG MTF. (I think it only holds true for middle aged men too, go figure!) not young Tg's. I am still a supporter of LGB, as they are not as a group suffering from all the fetish driven warped sense of realities..Does that make sense? I just know that it is NOT just about clothing, or "feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body" excuse they tell the CIS world. On all their private FB groups, Instagram, private forums,monthly meetings, it is NOT about gender dysphoria. The posing from neck down in slutty lingerie, in playboy style poses, their language back & forth to each other, it drives me nuts that these guys claim it's not a fetish run wild, wreaking havoc. They're a cross between a spoiled teenager, drag queen & wanna be porn star. I've discovered my own husband also has some very dark & disturbing sexual fetishes beyond CD/TG. How could I be so stupid? Plus, I am now thinking he's gay in denial, like many TG's

It really does make you feel foolish, tortured, abused, used & intensely depressed. And they haven't a care in the world for any of it. My husband is only happy & respectful when he is getting his way, has no threat from me standing up, saying no or discussing divorce proceedings. He's happier than a clam to live in his fantasy world, everything else is a nuisance. I want to SCREAM!! Keeping my head screwed on, silently plugging along trying to figure out how to escape this madness is grinding me down.

Spouses should not have to endure this. TG's are not the only one's suffering and they at least have a rainbow & never ending unicorns to run to. What the hell have we got?

Sorry, crappy weak & reading these posts, about yet another crushed spirit is mind boggling.

Wather: if you still pop by once in a while, please take note! You are NOT required to stay in his closet any longer. He has sprung all this on you, has had months or years to plan his exit & he now has bucketloads of support for himself & MANY outlets to run to, while you are supposed to isolate & keep this painful discovery pent up? You MUST find someone to talk to, face to face, a friend or family member you trust with your heart. Who gives two shits about how your health & welfare effects him...start looking out for yourself & don't isolate...it will drag you down & make matters worse for you.

Stay strong people,
xx