Hello all.. I'm brand spanking new here.. reading all your posts I hear a lot of stories much like mine... with a few differeneces.. 

I found out early on in our relationship, that my husbear ( he's a big, burly hairy guy) liked women's clothes.. we discussed how a lot of straight men are crossdressers.. no big deal to me at all..after all, I myself am a fairly masculine female, tall and large and I much perfer mens clothes to womens ( I hate stuffing myself into bras and spanx etc).. and of course women can get away with wearing mens clothes, but not vice versa.. so while I never considered myself a cross dresser because I never wanted to 'pass' for a man.. anyway.. so I didn't mind him wearing panties daily or the occasional bra.. I did notice that he became less inhibited, when wearing womens clothes.. he seemed to enjoy sex more etc.

We've been together for 11 years and married for 9..and over those years we have worked on a lot of his 'stuff' .. his overtly Christian and therefore abusive mother.. his accepting, but divorced father ( who M ( the husbear) was not granted custody to.) and his annoying , and very mean sister. We discussed how he discovered 'dressing' and what he liked to wear.. all of which he openly wears, now that my children have all left home... it's been in that time, when our sex lives could have REALLY been about us, and not being discreet for the sake of the other people in the household.. that things just seemed to slow way down.. we rarely had sex .. like most couples, our sex life was really active in the beginning.. he then made it clear that he just couldn't do it twice a day.. ok.. so we still did it every day.. which over the course of a year or so, became just on weekends..  I joked ( while I died inside) that all the planets and stars had to be aligned for us to have sex.. excuses included stress, a very irritable bowl ( we later discovered glucose intolerance) or just about anything.. we did discover, early on, that he likely has Aspbergers.. he's never been officially diagnosed, but the criteria alllllll fit.. it's crazy!.. so here I am.. living with a cross dressing Aspbergian.. trying to feel normal..

In the last couple of years.. he's decided that no.. he's far more than just a cross dresser.. he's a woman... ok..I'm ok with being married to a woman.. and really I was thrilled that he was coming to terms with who he really felt he was.  Sex started to change.. He'd been molested as a child so introducing him to his prostate, and all the glory of THAT organ was difficult.. but he felt safe with me and discoverd the joys of anal sex..  I thought it was hot.. but on an everyday basis.. I kind of enjoy being 'the girl'.. strap ons don't scare me.. none of that bothers me..but I was becoming the 'top' and not at all sure I liked it... 

Sex has become almost completely negligible in our relationship.. our Weekedn sex became , JUST Saturday morning.. and then no weekend sex, but an occasional Wednesday.( and then off to work). then it became once every two weeks, then once a month.. then once every TWO month.. until nada.. and I started thinking about how sex became simply about him.. being allowed to be a girl.. our last sex was so bad.... so so bad.. i can't even tell you..  .. so Basically, he occasionally puts his 'boobs' on.. and gets all worked up, and I'm supposed to just drop everything I'm doing and 'service' him.. so this last time I said no.. I told him that 'sex no longer seems to include me'.. and I'm terribly sad about it.. 

I knew early on that  my libido was much stronger than his.. I tried to tell myself that sex isn't love.. trying to tell myself that I was beeing needy and it wasn't HIS responsibility to make me feel good about myself.. but honestly.. after a decade of telling myself that.. I just have to admit it.. I love sex... I love  it.. I could do it every day, twice a day for the rest of my life.. even NOW as menopause is kicking my ass.. I still wanna have sex!  it's not a flaw.. it's just who I am.. just like him really feeling like he's a girl.. it's just who he is..

So Gender identity aside, he's a fantastic partner.. he goes out of his way to do sweet things for me ( in his mind- what I wouldn't give for him to just think to maybe bring me flowers or something - but that's really an Aspergers thing.. not at all a gender thing).. he does shit like Warming my coffee cup in the morning ( as well as making coffee) he takes the dogs out in the mornings so I can sleep.. he has never failed to be a gentleman.. he opens my doors.. he kisses my hand ( women have stopped me in stores and told me what a lucky woman I was.. and then I would be asked if he has brothers lol).. he's very much a gentleman.. he's kind and as thoughtful as he can be ( aspergers aside).. but omg the sex.. the SEX.. it was honestly never really great, but at least in the beginning we were 'together'.. it was really and truly 'love making'.. even if it got away from being 'white bread', it was still about trust and love.. then when he started dressing more often.. the sex always included his 'boobs'.. thats fine.. who doesn't love boobs right? so I went with it.. now? I feel like I'm not even invited.. I'm just a repository for semen.. nothing life feeling like a used condom.. 

Needless to say, I've moved into a seperate bedroom.. and now sex is non existant.. except when he puts on boobs and seeks me out.. but like I said.. even that is so bad.. I just don't .. so we live like room mates.. I get a peck and a hug each morning.. and I get a peck and a hug at night.. . 

As for his Sexual preference.. I think that might be the next thing for him to explore.. he's always set off people's 'gaydar'.. but I know a lot of men, who like cooking and dancing and chick flicks, who are straight.. I have noticed that he behaves more like a girl around certain men.. he's always been fine with being the object of men's attentions, but swears he isn't gay.. that he's only attracted to women.. well.. I think by this point we can say this is questionable! lol.. He got upset with me because I mentioned that he 'flirts' with our barrista..  but he does.. like a girl.. but he denies it whole heartedly.. so he calls himself a lesbian.. but from the partners pov.. he's not.. even a lesbian will have sex with her partner... he just gets more bright eyed and giggly around certain men.. and honestly I'm fine with that.. but HE's clearly not.. so now it's about ME and what I'M going to do next..

I think about leaving all the time.. because I'm not happy.. not even a little bit..but I fear that If I left him, he would harm himself.. he tried after a previous relationship ended... and I certainly don't want that.. could he be in a healthier place now? and maybe not consider it? Maybe.. but I'm not ok with the thought of him doing that. should I stay and help him work through his sexual preference? sounds like a classic waste of MY life.. ugh.. honestly, personally, I love him as a person.. I just want him to love ME or let me go.. but maybe that's too much to ask of him right now.. maybe I'm trying too hard.. maybe I'm not trying hard enough... I think I've given up.. and now I feel stranded.. trying to decided what to do with my life.. I chose HIM.. even though he came with a 'she' side... He hasn't shown any desire to take hormones, or have surgery.. which I would support.. I just don't feel loved.. plain and simple.. so now what?