Hi Everyone,

I haven't been on here in ages, and a lot of that is due to being distracted by other things, and to not knowing what to say about my current situation with a MTF spouse. We moved to a new area in late winter, and rather than things getting better, I feel they are worse. I relate 100% to other folks on here in feeling like I'm in a roommate situation rather than in a marriage. My partner no longer dresses much or wears makeup, and she is depressed about it. In our last location, she was able to dress at work and wear makeup, but she does not do that at her current job, and probably passes as femme or gay male there. She likes this job better, but it seems like she is stuck because she can't present as more female. I feel like she could if she wanted to, but I am going to work at the same place, and I likely wouldn't wear makeup there, either, and certainly wouldn't go all out on my hair or clothing in a warehouse setting. I think she is more afraid of losing this job because of being transgender, which we suspect may have happened at her last job. Although I understand things are more shaky because of COVID, I feel like she should go ahead and start presenting as female, as this is what she wants to do for the rest of her life. She seems to be waiting to start estrogen or get permanent hair removal to do anything transition-wise now, and this bothers me. It is like the minimum requirements for her to feel OK have increased dramatically.

On the more intimate end, we haven't had sex for several months, and she is rarely physically affectionate. She says she can barely stand to look at herself anymore, and therefore has no interest in sex. It's hard not to think she is being selfish, but I understand how feeling badly about yourself kills any sex drive. I'm not sure how long I can tolerate having a friend rather than a spouse. There is no romantic feeling between us at all anymore, and I find myself getting annoyed with her because I feel like she is doing nothing to help the situation. She also regularly insists there are no resources (online therapy, support groups, etc) to help. I find this difficult to accept, and it feels like she is just wallowing in self-pity. I am trying to be understanding, but in the process, I feel as if I'm coping by disengaging in the situation emotionally. I don't wish this on anyone- it's terrible! I have been trying to do more activities by myself, which has helped, but the issues need to be addressed soon. 

Not looking forward to the "holiday" season. 

Good luck, everyone.