Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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Beeslee 09/17/2017

My mtf partner and I have been together for about 9 months. She is finally going to start hormones in a few weeks, and I am getting more and more afraid. I think they will help her look more female and I am thrilled for that. I am hoping that they help her feel better emotionally. But I am afraid of the mood swings; she can be a bit moody as it is!

I am most afraid of changes in our sex life. We haven't really been having sex for a while; she has basically no drive. I am afraid that this will only get worse after she starts hormones. Also, I know this is incredibly selfish, but I am afraid that she won't be able to get an erection at all anymore and what little sex life we have will die completely. I love being sexual with her and it is hard right now, so the prospect of losing sex completely is really hitting me hard. I don't know how to talk to her about it. I am happy that she is going to become the woman she physically wants to be. I am SO hopeful that she will be happier with the right hormones in her. I am just very afraid of what it will mean for our relationship, both emotionally and sexually. Does anyone have any advice about this? Thanks very much.

gallinarosa 09/18/2017

I fear that if and when my spouse ever starts hormones. I think preemptively I have been looking for other ways to express intimacy so that it isn't all about traditional PIV sex. (Kind of like not keeping all my eggs in one basket... lol.) I feel like if there is desire and intimacy and attraction -- and you are not close-minded -- the bodies find a way. Is she dysphoric about her male body parts? Do you think part of the reason she has no sex drive is because she is uncomfortable or stressed about performing like a man? Maybe if you guys could practice being intimate without focusing on those parts, she would feel relaxed enough to spark that drive again? That said, ask her doctor about what mix of hormones will affect performance least and look into something like Viagra. I have no experience with this, but I have heard the right hormones/dosage and supplemental medication can correct any potential issues. But I think it helps to make sure there are no emotional/psychological obstacle first.

Good luck!

(How did you end up doing with the voice change after some additional time to adjust?)

Cora 09/18/2017

I totally understand your fear.

For me, some of the physical things don't see too insurmountable. For example, have you guys discussed using a strap on? Have you used a dildo before?

However, for me, I just feel I'll lose all attraction to my partner. Ze still wants to have sex with me now, but even now, I'm having a hard time even just knowing that he wants to be a woman. I feel it's like kissing a woman now even though ze is not on hormones.

@gallinarosa
My partner keeps telling me ze will work really hard on hir oral sex skills, but I still think I prefer PIV.

gallinarosa 09/18/2017

Lol, Cora. I can see you already understand though that the "P" in PIV might mean something else ;-)

Again, the most difficult obstacles are the ones in your head... :(

Cora 09/20/2017

@gallinarose LOL, my partner used to be very confused as to what a cisgendered woman could get out of by using a strap-on, but now I guess the joke's on hir! LOL

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