Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
My spouse and I have been married for five years. When I met "him", he was dressing as a woman. He told me it was a phase because his ex-wife had filed for divorce. He met me and said he no longer wanted to do it. We had been married a year when he started dressing as a woman again. It was then he told me that this was something that he struggled with since he was nine. The next four years was up and down, back and forth. He would say he wouldn't dress anymore and then he would. I told him from the first time to decide what he wants to do and stick with it. He wasn't being honest with me and would say he didn't know how. We are now separated. He has finally become completely honest with me. He has always wanted to be a woman and is on that path of becoming one. She and I can be friends but I didnt sign up to be married to a woman. I am not trying to be mean at all. I still love him/her. I just can't handle anymore mind games. The internal battle for me is horrendous at this point.
Glad you posted, and sorry for what you're going through. I get the up and down, back and forth and in particular the dishonesty...it's so hard. I wonder if they really know what they want until they try? Do you think the separation played a part in her being completely honest with you? My spouse constantly tells me 'I don't know'....doesn't know if he wants to transition, or stay as he is, doesn't know what he wants (presently in the closet but on low dose hormones for over 6 years). Many times I feel it's a cop out, He won't the responsibility to make a decision, but it'll be just a matter of time when his body will out him or some other event (such as me leaving, our kids finding his hormone prescription or stash of clothing, etc).
I"m feeling the same way too, I don't want to be married to a woman. I think I may be able to support him and help with his transition as a friend, but not as a wife. We're trying couple counseling, early days for that so I can't weigh in on it yet. Thanks for posting, I'll be thinking of you. Hope you're doing ok.
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I can only go from my experience. Before me, my partner was with a narcissist who basically pushed her into a box. (The only reason I even knew about the cross dressing from the beginning was because we’ve actually known each other 20+ years and she told me before we reconnected in person.) Your partner may be struggling with major trust issues and/or fear that has absolutely nothing to do with you, and those can last for years. (My partner overdid it clearing snow yesterday cause her ex was impatient all the time.)
It’s hard sometimes to not take things personal; feeling lied to, like you’re not being trusted. Remember it’s not you at all, it’s what they’ve been through before you.
If you feel you cannot be married to a woman, that’s 100% ok. You’re not obligated to no matter what anyone says. You need to make the right choice for you and there’s nothing mean about it.
I wish you all the best.
*hugs* Sending positive vibes your way!