Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hi guys. Been about two months. My partner has been seeming like they are manic depressive. Their mental health has been plummeting since maybe the first week of their “discovery.” They have become self centered and are making selfish decisions. For an example, my mother who knows and is as supportive as she could possibly be, recently had foot surgery and needs a lot of help. They had said “of course I would love to go visit with her and help!” But when the time came and a friend asked to hang out and watch tv, their priorities shifted and suddenly my mother who legitimately needs help was no longer a concern.
i have been having some transphobic thoughts lately. I need to get them out there so I can just get it off my chest and begin to become better. First, how can soneone navigate this world wanting a biological child? Trans people exist and are becoming a huge part of this population. How does one want a biological child and not be transphobic? Shouldn’t we be treating trans people as who they want to be? A trans man is a real man. But how does a straight person who wants biological children grapple with that?
I also worry that my trans partner will never find peace. I feel as though they will keep looking for things to change about themselves bc they have depression, and I feel they will never be satisfied. I don’t know how many huge changes I can bear. I have never met a trans person who is happy. Maybe this is bc of society. But I don’t know how to be happy when my partner is constantly spiraling.
You are all amazing people and I am so thankful for this community. It’s a hard road.
So, I have a relative of mine who has been dating trans people. Some trans men, and some trans women. He met a trans woman who can't have kids. It really struck him that he wanted to have biological kids. He didn't move forward with the relationship, but the trans woman also seemed to get it that he just didn't know what he wanted. From what I heard, she seemed really understanding about everything. Even for some straight, cis people, they can't have kids.
Anywho, I wonder if my relative thinks dating a trans man would mean it would be easier to have biological kids, but I personally wouldn't assume that. Everyone has different needs and desires.
I have three trans friends (that I know of) and they are all pretty happy people. One of them has a therapist but I think that's a smart decision. There are all very different people, so I'm guessing if your partner is never going to be satisfied, that says more about your partner, than trans people. For what it's worth, I think my partner is the same way--he will probably never be satisfied with his looks, but he has always been like that.
That was very very helpful. I think they’re things I knew but forgot. I don’t know, I just was such an understanding ally prior to all this and I think the pain has started to make me bitter, which i would like to avoid! It’s tough... I guess you never know if you’ll have a biological child anyways, which kinda sucks. I’m an only child of an only child. I think there’s something that just wants my bloodline to continue or something... I’m also Native American and often just feel like my heritage is disintegrating and that we’re a dying breed. Sigh. What can you do.
Really though, thanks for that. It makes me feel better.
I really want to have biological kids too and this whole thing has been so painful in that respect. My partner and I have some options, but I'm not sure if we are going to go forward with it. I think it painful because in some respects my partner has more options than I do. I don't have all the time in the world. *Sigh.*
Have you talked with your partner about HRT, and when they want to start (if that's what they want?) My spouse and I plan on having a child before they start HRT, because some fertility issues are possible due to taking hormones. My spouse was hoping to start this fall, but decided she will focus on electrolysis and trach shave instead. Biological children aren't 100% necessary for me, but I worry I will be severely limited in my ability to adopt children with a trans/lesbian spouse with the way the political climate is these days. If having a biological child is important to you, this would be an important conversation to have. Don't just assume your partner doesn't want kids because they are transitioning.
*Hugs*
I totally understand and agree! I think it is a little different for me as i am an only child and native american. Ive discussed this feeling with some of my jewish friends- this feeling like we are dying out. Especially for me, my mother is an only child as well. There is something about having your culture and history stolen from you that makes you want a biological child. Or at least compels me. Bloodline definitely doesnt need to be a factor for all of us, but for me its one of the only things i have left of my ancestors.
My partner is very aware of this and also wants biological kids! They were having some manic tunnel vision while coming out. Its fizzled down a bit and they are able to think more clearly and revisit their desires for their life. I posted this id a moment of weakness, so i apologize to anyone i upset! Everyone will find their own solutions and i appreciate you all so much!