Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
I am trying to come to terms with all of this and figuring out that I need to get a divorce and get him out of the house. I am afraid he won't listen to reason. I have already had him out of the house twice and I don't even know how I managed to get him to go. Every confrontation we have he takes lead and doesn't let me explain myself and then comes full circle to everything being my fault. I feel like if I go so bold as to change the locks on the house he might go ballistic, but if I try to talk him he just won't listen or care what I have to say. He is completely controlling and has my self esteem below basement level. He can manage to make me feel like I am crazy. I have talked to a lawyer once just for free first time appointment and didn't really do anything. I just want to be able to be civil for our 8 year old daughter. Every time he talks about the time he left he refers to it when Mommy kicked me out. Help!!! I don't have a mother, she died when I was young. If I go to my dad he will go straight to changing the locks. I need some kind of middle ground.
A woman friend who had gone through an unpleasant divorce described to me the initial feelings of leaving a marriage, is like falling off a cliff. It was a great description for how I felt. Fear. The endless butterflies swirling in my stomach. So much unknown. You will have to rebuild your self esteem, one slow step at a time.
Do not continue in this relationship just out of fear of his reaction. If his behavior is really that irrational, you might want to contact a women's shelter or a hotline for abused women, the will certainly be able to point you to resources in your community that could help you.
I say often in these posts about how important it is to build a support team. Start by talking with one friend. It really really helps to have someone who is on you side, who knows what is going on. Those talks, the hugs, the hand holding, or just the opportunity to get out of the house and be with someone who treats you well is extremely helpful and will help you see yourself as an individual, who is smart, talented and just flipping wonderful! ASK for help!
My soon to be Ex has been out of the house fro three months. While I still have a long road to find my full self again. I have wild mood swings. My self esteem is still pretty darn low. I have already figured out that I am quite at peace with the divorce and leaving him. The unknown for what is next in my life is the scariest part. Still don't know how the landing of this plunge off the cliff is going to go, so far, so good.
A technique I started to use, that worked for me to help rebuild my ego was to start a gratitude journal. I just jotted down little things. When someone said something, nice to me, or complimented me, or if I found the stars beautiful that night, or if my daughters did something that touched me. Just simple good stuff that happens. I don't write in it every day. It helps to go back and read it when I am feeling low to see that there were beautiful moments in my life, even in the darkness. I have a friend who goes to exercise classes three times a week. Another is an avid walker. Your body gets so busy pushing itself, your mind can't focus on all the doubts.
You can do this. I wish you well in finding your route out.
Strength & Courage