For the first time- in my life-I have set a boundary, and I finally am more at peace. I found out by accident 5 years ago that my husband had this fetish. For him, he freely says it is solely a sexual fetish for the desire to be a man/turned into a woman for sexual pleasure. I have spent countless hours and years now trying to unravel how far this desire goes, and where I fit in etc. You all know the layers of pain and questions involved. I was very supportive and accepting at first although inside I was constantly in deep distress and struggle, identity issues with myself and our roles in the relationship. We have been married for 26 years so these roles and my feelings around them are entrenched.  I found out in dribs and drabs exactly what he wants and obsesses over. I can handle the fetish aspect, I can handle crossdressing for sex and even playing the masculine role in bed, then I found him taking hormones and he said he just wanted some breast development, I accepted and still do, but then when he started getting hips and his muscles went away and it affected him sexually (and he liked it) i told him I was uncomfortable with that and he quit- for awhile, when I found he was taking it again I finally told him how it really affected me and he apologized and said no more. I now know where my boudary of acceptance is and it is freeing to me. If he starts taking them again I will tell him that I need to save my mental health, one nervous breakdown was enough, no more. I will leave. Pray for me to have the strenghth if this day comes. I have no disillusions any more, I know the urge may be too strong for him but it may not. He says he never wants a surgery,never wants to crossdress (he has only done it when prearranged as part of our scenario)and that he only thinks about it for sex.  Wish me luck.