Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hello, all.
My spouse is on a good path, therapy wise. He agreed to call a couple of the names we found for a therapist and recently went to a transgender support group at a local LGBT community center. He came back from it, excited and enthusiastic about going back.
And that’s great...however....
The group he went to indicated that spouses are welcome but mine was clear that he doesn’t want me to go with him. I told him that they have groups for him and groups for parents of transgendered folks but nothing for spouses.
He made the analogy that I’m like a unicorn.
So today I contacted the same center and asked them about a group for spouses. They told me I was welcome at the trans group and I replied that I was not (according to my husband). They referred me to PFLAG.
And PFLAG referred me to another local group that supports transgendered... but they also don’t have a group for spouses.
At each communication, I expressed the need for a group for the unique situation we spouses find ourselves in. And that perhaps if there was such a group, then maybe some couples might be able to salvage their relationships...and not feel so isolated.
Everyone I emailed, was sympathetic but none had the resources to help.
So yes, we are all unicorns. Mythical creatures that no one really believes exist.
Has anyone had a different experience?
I have been connected to a support group for spouses of LGBTQ individuals in my city via the Straight Spouse Network. I haven’t been yet (not feeling ready and ironically the next scheduled meeting was cancelled because of Pride), it isn’t trans specific from what I understand, and I bet it varies from city to city, but might be worth checking out?
http://www.straightspouse.org/test-2-home/how-to-find-support/
Thanks for this great resource. I will check it out!
I’ve been on Straight Spouse Network before but didn’t realize they had this type of support and outreach. Thanks again. I’ll let everyone know how it shakes out.
Unfortunately, you are right about the support out there for spouses. It is very hard to find. Truthfully, most of the support groups I know of are not really true support groups. They are more like trans cheer groups, and don't really address the issues we face and need help with. It makes sense though. Most of them are done by LGBTQ advocacy groups, and I think they just want to stick their (collective) heads in the sand when it comes to the heartache the transition causes. It is a delicate balance as we all know. We want our spouse to be happy and be the person she feels she genuinely is on the inside, but her becoming who she really is forces the spouse to transition into someone they are not. Some couples are able to find a happy place, but many don't. It is a huge conundrum, and I don't think anyone really knows how to handle it. Hopefully, one day there will be that support. Until then, I am thankful for these message boards and other safe places.
On one hand, it frustrates me too, but on the other hand, I can kind of understand that for spouses who have gone through this, they probably have moved on at some point .
I thought it would be better once she is out of the closet and I would get support from friends and family, but that was not the case. The response from the family and friends she talked to so far has been very positive. However, all the support offered has been towards her, and people seem to forget that this is a large adjustment for me as well. To make matters worse, some family and friends and very awkward around me now, and I feel like they are avoiding me because they don't know what to say around me.
I have to constantly remind people that I am here too, and that this is not easy for us either.