Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
Hello everyone,
I wanted to follow up, as it seems more people are joining this forum. I've only posted a couple of times, but I think I'm ready to share.
My ex husband opened up to me about thinking he was a woman in September 2014. I recommended he see a counselor, to see if this was a phase or something else. I asked for the holidays of 2014 to be as normal as possible, which he did give me. His therapist encouraged him to go to support group meetings, which he did in March 2015. After the first meeting, he decided to go to the second meeting and dress up. The second meeting was in April 2015. The only boundary I set that was honored was to keep it away from my son (who is from a previous marriage). I asked him to keep his girl stuff out of the marital bedroom which led to him hiding it in there and then denying what it was when I caught him. I initially asked him to keep it out of the house and his response was along the lines of, "I can keep my other clothes here so why are these different? They are just clothes." I caught him a few more times with keeping girl things in the marital bedroom before he was kicked out of that room.
I found a Facebook page he had set up for this new identity behind my back. I caught him talking in the phone to random people he met online, telling them the city we lived in. I work for a security company and have a preteen son. I don't need these people coming to my house for a glitter and all things pretty pow wow. The final straw was when he went out of town to try to live full time pretending to be a girl. We had an agreement to keep our wedding bands on the whole time. He wasn't gone a day before posting a pic of his left hand on his girl Facebook page with painted nails and no wedding band. He came home and was moved to the basement of the house. I gave him multiple opportunities to turn away from this crap and keep us together. But he chose his fetish over our marriage.
Luckily I am relatively young, in my early 30's. I have never been without a job and am a few classes away from earning my Bachelor's. Money has never been an issue. So I took some time, found a place and got out. Everything was done in a couple of months because there was no fighting. I moved in October and the divorce was finalized in November. We are still on amicable terms, but he hides if I go to the house because he knows I don't want to see him pretending to be a woman. And he refuses to dress an the man I had fallen in love with. The man I loved is gone, he was a facade. But it was his choice to go down this path, and that choice had nothing to do with me or any influence from me. Once you get to that point, healing can begin.
I know my post is not pc. I have a big problem with this topic. I find it incredibly insulting that men think they can put on makeup, clothing designed for females, and heels and call themselves a woman. Until your DNA is XX, you are no woman! I think this mental disorder is being treated incorrectly as well. I do not have an answer as to what would be better, but I struggle to grasp how it is acceptable to mutilate a healthy body because the mind is off kilter. Legal names changes I will respect, but pronouns I will not. If I can tell what you are trying to do, I will call you out on it. I do not want men posing as women near me. It's my personal preference who I allow to remain in my life, and I am entitled to my reality.
How did I get through it? Working out. The gym has become my best friend. I have a decent support group in my family, some of my ex's family who don't understand his decision, and friends. I think all in all, even joint friends still talk to both of us. And I would never stop that. I am in the process of rediscovering me and what I am capable of. Do not let this get you down! It is tough to get through and you still need to mourn the person you thought you were marrying/in a relationship with. It is not selfish to focus on you and go after what you want! This group has been helpful as well, even if viewed from afar. It is the sense of not being the only person to go through this that helps.
Keep your chins up and do whatever needs done to make you happy!
Ponygirl
I wanted to follow up, as it seems more people are joining this forum. I've only posted a couple of times, but I think I'm ready to share.
My ex husband opened up to me about thinking he was a woman in September 2014. I recommended he see a counselor, to see if this was a phase or something else. I asked for the holidays of 2014 to be as normal as possible, which he did give me. His therapist encouraged him to go to support group meetings, which he did in March 2015. After the first meeting, he decided to go to the second meeting and dress up. The second meeting was in April 2015. The only boundary I set that was honored was to keep it away from my son (who is from a previous marriage). I asked him to keep his girl stuff out of the marital bedroom which led to him hiding it in there and then denying what it was when I caught him. I initially asked him to keep it out of the house and his response was along the lines of, "I can keep my other clothes here so why are these different? They are just clothes." I caught him a few more times with keeping girl things in the marital bedroom before he was kicked out of that room.
I found a Facebook page he had set up for this new identity behind my back. I caught him talking in the phone to random people he met online, telling them the city we lived in. I work for a security company and have a preteen son. I don't need these people coming to my house for a glitter and all things pretty pow wow. The final straw was when he went out of town to try to live full time pretending to be a girl. We had an agreement to keep our wedding bands on the whole time. He wasn't gone a day before posting a pic of his left hand on his girl Facebook page with painted nails and no wedding band. He came home and was moved to the basement of the house. I gave him multiple opportunities to turn away from this crap and keep us together. But he chose his fetish over our marriage.
Luckily I am relatively young, in my early 30's. I have never been without a job and am a few classes away from earning my Bachelor's. Money has never been an issue. So I took some time, found a place and got out. Everything was done in a couple of months because there was no fighting. I moved in October and the divorce was finalized in November. We are still on amicable terms, but he hides if I go to the house because he knows I don't want to see him pretending to be a woman. And he refuses to dress an the man I had fallen in love with. The man I loved is gone, he was a facade. But it was his choice to go down this path, and that choice had nothing to do with me or any influence from me. Once you get to that point, healing can begin.
I know my post is not pc. I have a big problem with this topic. I find it incredibly insulting that men think they can put on makeup, clothing designed for females, and heels and call themselves a woman. Until your DNA is XX, you are no woman! I think this mental disorder is being treated incorrectly as well. I do not have an answer as to what would be better, but I struggle to grasp how it is acceptable to mutilate a healthy body because the mind is off kilter. Legal names changes I will respect, but pronouns I will not. If I can tell what you are trying to do, I will call you out on it. I do not want men posing as women near me. It's my personal preference who I allow to remain in my life, and I am entitled to my reality.
How did I get through it? Working out. The gym has become my best friend. I have a decent support group in my family, some of my ex's family who don't understand his decision, and friends. I think all in all, even joint friends still talk to both of us. And I would never stop that. I am in the process of rediscovering me and what I am capable of. Do not let this get you down! It is tough to get through and you still need to mourn the person you thought you were marrying/in a relationship with. It is not selfish to focus on you and go after what you want! This group has been helpful as well, even if viewed from afar. It is the sense of not being the only person to go through this that helps.
Keep your chins up and do whatever needs done to make you happy!
Ponygirl
I am so happy that I am on the other end of this too. We finally sold our house (that took 7 months) and I was able to move into my own place on 12/30. It is soooo nice to not have to see me soon to be ex anymore. I got so sick of seeing him in short skirts and dresses all the time. Now I finally feel I can move on with my life. We do share a daughter so I will have to see him/her but I will keep that to a minimum. I agree with how you feel about the whole issue- I think it is wrong and I think it is rediculous that he actually thinks he can be a real woman. I think he is making a mockery of what woman really are. I do not miss my husband because he is the one that made this decision and did this to me-anyone that could treat me like that does not deserve to be missed.