I have and am going through the exact same feelings and emotions as you. My husband came out after 21 years of marriage and his transition has happened very fast-he now lives as a full-time woman and gets very angry if the male pronouns are used. No one can tell you what to do- you have to feel completely good with your decision. I have decided not to stay and I am trying to stay strong in that way. Even though we are getting a divorce, (we are living together until the house sells), it is hard to watch him/her go out all the time-I know I cant be with him/her this way but it breaks my heart to think of him/her with someone else, It breaks my heart that my man is completely gone and in all practical purposes dead and will never return.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but know that you are not alone. My husband came out to me a week before our 19th anniversary. That was about 11 months ago, and it has taken me that long to come to terms with all this.

It is okay to feel hurt, confused, betrayed, etc. It is okay to get angry. Not only is it okay, it is healthy. Only after you allow yourself to go through all those feelings can you come out on the other side stronger -- stronger to stay or maybe even stronger to let go.

You say that you want to remain open-minded, and that is good. Your husband has a right to be who he feels he really is. However, you also have a right to be who you really are.

Best of luck to you as you sort through all this. For whatever reason, support groups for the transgendered person abound, but they are scarce for the loved ones who find themselves in our situation. They are also not very supportive -- making us feel bad if we aren't 100% on board with our husband's (or to a lesser extent a man's wife) transition. This group is here for YOU. It is a safe place to be honest about how you are feeling.

We'll get through this together, and yes, one way or another, it will be okay, and you are strong enough.

Lynn

Well we talked last night til almost 4am. I the end, we decided to break up and call off the wedding. A friend of his pointed out that we are more like best friends, not a couple. I blame me for not being more understanding and accepting and he blames himself for being different. This is so hard, i cant stop crying. I want to throw somehting, I dont know what to do anymore.

So sorry, this went on the wrong spot. Its hard to deal with. Esp when you have the vision of the man you married. I would like to say it gets easier, but it doesnt. I have known (her) for 20 years. And while I was ok with the cross dressing to some extent, I cant accept that he wants to be a she. Hugs for you and what you are going through.

I believe everyone is right and the way I deal with it is to understand sometimes it is better to be married to your best friend than someone who is simply attractive. Sometimes who they are on the inside out weighs what looks can only give for so long. I mean lets face it, looks will fade but our hearts will remain. My husband was always happy but as he is transitioning into a she, I laugh more, I find myself more able to come to her and express my feelings and to be honest, our new love life/ sex life has become more emotionally closer by her cooking me dinner or holding hands. I still get all the love I had from her but I actually get more special little things because its our new way of showing one another how we care. In fact I think I like her more and even though he hasn't become a women completely yet, I know I have some battles ahead of me but I also know I have her to be there for me along the way. I think you should stay open minded and spend sometime with yourself to sort what you love about your husband and if he is serious about becoming a she can you go to her with everything you are facing threw the journey. Another way to look at it is if your husband was to all of sudden get 3rd degree burns everywhere (God Forbid he doesn't just an example) would you still love him for who he truly was or would you feel like you couldn't stay because of how much his appearance has changed.

Rebecca 1, I give you credit for being able to stay. It would not work for me. My husband who now lives full-time as a woman, is on estrogen injections, got laser hair removal, wears a weave until hair grows out- is not the same person. If we were to stay together, I would have to be like the man in the relationship. He/she is extremely lazy and doesn't do stuff around the house anymore- I have to now mow the lawn and weed whip. I don't get treated like a woman-it's ALL about his transition and his needs right now. Don't get me wrong I love the person, but am not in love with him/her anymore. My husband basically died. All I hear about 24/7 is transgender stuff. How can we have a relationship when that is what I am engulfed in. We can't talk about normal stuff like we used to. I am hoping we can keep a close friendship but I dont even know about that. His/her lifestyle has changed quite a bit.

Get out before he/she starts to drain the life out of you, because it will happen, you will become the parent and the therapist while he is in transition. There will be nothing left for you, everything will be about the transition. It's like a runaway train and there is no stopping it.
Anne