I know how you feel. My husband of 10 years is now living as a women and going to start HRT very soon. I knew he liked to wear women's clothing before the I DO, but was not expecting for him to transition into a full time women. He now calls himself a lesbian (I am not) and I find myself very confused and saddened by this change. My husband that I love so much is gone. The worst part for me I am no longer physically attracted to her. The passion I once had is completely gone. I am not leaving the marriage, but I miss Him so much. This new person is so happy and for the first time in her life completely comfortable in her skin. But for me I have to fight back the tears.

I'm sorry you are going through this too. I'm very attracted to my husband and worry that I will lose that as he transitions. Are you in therapy? We went to one couples session and I'm looking for a therapist of my own to try to sort out my feelings. Is your husband taking hormones? My discussed wanting to start inn maybe a year but says he does not want surgery to remove his penis. I'm terrified for my kids as well and how this will affect them.

Like you I was VERY attracted to the male/ husband and as soon as the makeup and dressing everyday, that's when that became a problem in my head. Her intake to start hormones is tomarrow and will be starting the 27 of this month. Because of that the sex will be gone because IT stops working. That's another issue I will have to deal with in the near future. She will be seeing a counselor and I will be requesting the same.....that's the only way to work this out in my head.

Can I ask why you have decided to stay? And does anyone else besides you know that he is transgender? I keep feeling like I can handle it if I'm the only one who knows which I know isn't going to happen. I'm really scared of friends, family, work, etc. not being accepting and the trama that it's going to cause. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to stay.

I've know Bobbie for 30 years, married for 10. I learned about his dressing 2 years after we met, and all this time I always thought it to be more of a fetish than a lifestyle. He has been trans all his life, hiding it from friends and family. His first wife divorced him after 26 years cuz she didn't approve. His son by her won't talk with him anymore since the divorce. I have 2 grown kids by Bobbie, they both know about his dressing but don't like to see him dressed. None of his friends know and no family on his side knows. But all that is going to change cuz he has decided 2 weeks ago to get rid of his male front and live life as a women from now on. Why do I stay?? I truly love him with all my heart and can't even think life without him. He is now 62 and I am 50 and I feel that she needs to be happy for the rest of her life, no more hiding. Yes I am scared shitless about all this, and I am loosing sleep and weight over all this new stress. But I feel in the long run it WILL get better for me. I will learn how to cope. It's really hard right now and ya I have the same feelings you do. I love the person, but miss my husband greatly.

Thank you so much for sharing. I love my husband so much too ad can't imagine my life without him. I'm just so worried that the person I fell in love with is going to change to someone that I'm no longer in love with. He says he does not want gender reassignment but I question if that will change when he takes hormones. How old were your kids when they found out?

I am feeling the same feelings right now almost to the tee. Bobbie also says he will not cut anything off, but with hormones in his body that part will no longer work anymore. When I fell in love with Bob so many years ago, I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I NEVER expected for all this. And your great fear is my great fear, I am attracted to the male, and not the female. That is my biggest problem right now. When she comes to kiss me, there is no attraction to the women I am looking at. It is a real mind fuck, because I want to see and feel my husband who I am VERY attracted too. I still have to come to terms with myself that the man I married is now gone and will never return. And this new person is really the person that was always there and just hiding from the world. Bob was a actor, he really never existed. He was the front, the face and the show that Bobbie used for her protection.
As for the kids, I have 5 kids, two are Bob's. Our daughter is 22 and our son is 29. Not to go into to much detail- Bob was not around when they were growing up, he was married to his now ex-wife. So they didn't really know of him till we married back in 2007. Son was 19 and daughter was 12 when they found out about his dressing. They didn't seem to have a problem with it.....he only dressed behind closed doors. Daughter is more open minded as she grew older, more accepting....she came out to us as bisexual in high school, but is now in a serious relationship with a man. Bobbie never had the chance in his whole life to live as her authentic self and even though this is going to be the hardest thing I will ever give up, I will be giving her something that she always wanted. That's how much I love this person.

I'm experiencing the same with my husband. I am so attracted to the male and am terrified I just won't be attracted to the female. It makes me feel shallow but I know you ladies understand. However, all I want is for him to be truly happy, even if that means transitioning. So complicated!

It really is. It sucks for us but at the same time it's so horrible for our spouses too. We all just need to take it one day at a time.

Understand, going through a similar life, still processing, have always preferred men , husband has had issues in the past with mental health now has expressed the transgender details, very overwhelming.