Spouses of Transgender Community Group

Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...

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HelloH 04/27/2018

Hi, i am new to this group but it's been a little over a year since my spouse told me she was transgender (mtf) and we are trying to make things work for both of us. She's been on hrt for a little over 6 months and lately had become more self centred than usual and it is making me feel insignificant and unloved. Although she says she loves me and thinks i am beautiful and is grateful for all the hard work i do to raise our girls (3 y.o and 8 months old) while she's away working. (She's a long distance driver so away alot of the time.) I feel she's not sincere in how she feels about me and I am having a really hard time trusting her knowing that she knew she was transgender before we got married but didn't tell me.

TotalRegret 04/28/2018

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your situation - it must be difficult, especially with 2 little ones. However, you will find support here, so know that you're not alone. How long have you been married? Is the trust issue because she works away, or 'just' about the fact that she didn't tell you?

Have you been able to navigate through this for yourself? Are you seeing a therapist? If not, find one! Hoping that things will improve for you soon. TR

Sylph 04/29/2018

Hi there, welcome to the group. Sorry to hear you are finding things so hard. My partner also works away a lot, which makes things very difficult in terms of being able to talk and be together.
My partner also kept his transgenderism a secret for a couple of years too, which has led to trust issues.
I agree with TR that therapy can really help. And of course, you can always talk to us here.

Cora 04/30/2018

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way HelloH.

It sounds like your spouse needs to *do* something that will make you feel better instead of just *saying* it. Have you read the book 5 Love Languages? Maybe your love language is Acts of Service (your spouse cleans the dishes for example) or Gifts (getting flowers from your spouse, for example).

gallinarosa 05/01/2018

My spouse and I have been together over 23 years (MtF still using "he"). He always felt different but was only able to identify what it was about 11 years ago. But for 10 years, he knew, and he knew he needed to tell me, and he couldn't. I ended up finding out by accident. I am honestly not mad about that, but I realize that I don't always believe him now because I know he is capable of lying to me and I know what kind of things he would lie about and why. It has caused a lot of difficulty.

I came across this article recently: http://www.newsweek.com/loneliness-self-centered-evolution-response-self-preservation-624947 and it made me wonder if people who grow up trans and hide it, in isolating themselves to protect their secret, do not just continually make it worse? Even after they share their secret?

Anyway, welcome to our group. Hope you find support, and good connections here :)

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