I have no answer for you, just more questions as my spouse is not out at all right now to anyone but me and is not currently considering transition. BUT I have a daughter the same age as yours and a son as well and I have been wondering this: if the trans spouse is not not planning to publicly come out, is it important to tell the kids anyway? On one hand, it feels false to hide it from them forever, but I would not know what moment is right to tell them. Also, if the trans spouse is not out publicly, is it difficult for the child(ren) to keep it secret? Jade, did your daughter have to hide the fact that her dad wears dresses at home? How did that go?

My plan thus far was to consult our therapist eventually about this and use her help in informing and supporting the kids through this. I have just been unsure at what point to start considering it. (Surely, presenting female in public would be a time you must talk with your child!)

Good luck. Keep us posted on what you eventually tell her and how she handles it. Hugs :)

Hi, With My daughter we didn't tell her it was a secret, but rather that it was "private". I encouraged her to talk about it - with me- but she says she has no questions. She never wants to talk about it. Which is worrisome.
Another worry with back to school times, what if she does tell friends? I just want to protect her. She attends a small religious school where everyone knows everyone.

I just ordered the book Trans Bodies, Trans Selves. I'm not sure if there's a section about telling children, but I will let you know once I read it.