I commend you for going out with him. My husband is not even close to that and I hate going out because he too is 6’6 but super thin so his chest is noticeable due to his being so thin. Tight jeans and almost belly shirt. He tells me he dresses neutral. They’re jeans so tight they make John travolta embarrassed so it’s not neutral. I tell him as much but he thinks he’s right and I’m wrong. I couldn’t handle him dressing anymore than he does

I refuse to go out in public with my husband like that.

As of now, my husband still presents as male. But he is now starting to add feminine accessories. He wears female skinny jeans, a purse, and jewelry. He knows I don’t like it and mainly just does it at school, when he is not around me.. It’s like he is testing the waters. I feel like he is starting to lead a double life and it worries me how that’s going to affect our relationship as he continues his transition.

My spouse and I lived in my small hometown in southern Arkansas. The population is 4,500 and I know most of the people who live there and all of my relatives live there as well. My spouse started hormones about 5 years ago. For 3 years she tried to only go out in "male mode", but after a year of hormones her "male mode" wasn't very male. I know exactly what you are going through right now. It was horrible for me. I wanted to be supportive, but also felt great embarrassment when we would go out and people would stare. She looked like a gay man. It was a constant of me feeling like I was being her mom and telling her please don't wear this and don't wear that. It was really a nightmare and I am so sorry that you are going through this.

About two years ago we decided that she could no longer pass as a male and that we were kidding ourselves in attempting to do so. People were talking. It was extremely uncomfortable. At that point she only went out in public away from our small town. I was on edge hoping we didn't run into anyone we knew and very much aware of the stares that we would get when we would go out. It was about this time that I got on board with her having FFS (facial feminization surgery). I realized that without it she would never be able to pass and would always be a spectacle. She had the surgery and things got sooooooo much better. It was hard on me because she doesn't even look like the same person, but it made it to where she passes the majority of the time.

I don't think there's any easy way through this. We separated for a few months last winter because she was "done" with transition and everything I had been holding in for years came crashing down on my head. It was terrible and I didn't know how to go on. We are back together now and everything is better, but I still have my days. I think what got me through was realizing that I love my spouse and she is my best friend. I do not want to live my life without her. I had to mourn what was in the past and embrace where we are now. I had to "choose" to stay and "choose" her. It had to be my choice and not something I felt like she was pushing on me. It really was all about a shift in the way I thought about things.