Hi confused, the trust thing is a big issue with us too. I only discovered his secret by finding women's underwear in the laundry. It took us ages to talk about it, but when we finally did he said the same as your husband. Female underwear gave him comfort and made him feel better about himself. He says it isn't a fetish, although when he started it did give him sexual arousal, but that didn't last long.
He too absolutely loves breasts and is doing everything - including pumping - to get his own. He is very aroused by my breasts and by me handling his breasts too. I would say he has a breast fetish.
He also said for ages that he is happy being a man, but just wanted to 'explore and express' his female side. I hate to worry you, but that exploring has ended up not being enough, and tomorrow he is starting on hormone therapy. I'm heartbroken but am standing by him - he still uses male pronouns.
We are working on the trust issues - I still constantly think he is hiding things from me. We are communicating a lot better now than we had for a long time, so slowly building up trust and honesty, but it's not easy.
Sending you a hug.

Thank you Sylph. I am also worried it isn’t enough. If I say you can’t cross dress when I am home, that must make that urge grow greater. I don’t think I can be as understanding as you are if he decides he wants hormone therapy. That would definitely push me over the edge and I would push him out the door. You are a strong woman. Hugs back to you!

Confused, back in September when we first had 'the talk' I too said hormones would be a step too far and the end of our relationship. And I'm still here.
Not strong, just trying to do my best, and the best thing for him, and scared out of my mind.

Confused, I think dressing for sexual arousal is probably less common than doing it for comfort or because it feels right - at least for transgender people. For them, I think it is an attempt to ease the feelings of dysphoria. Suppressing it all can make it worse. I think it is possible to understand why they lied in the past as you come to understand how powerful and awful gender dysphoria is, but for me it doesn't give my spouse the right to continue lying now that they're out.

Hi confused, if he's not respecting your boundaries of not crossdressing when you are home, it sounds like he's actually not really comfortable "being a man" because it that was the case, he wouldn't have a problem respecting your boundary.

Him crossing for comfortable rather than sexual arousal sounds like he's trans rather than just having a fantasy.