You are so young, If I had known then what I know now, I would have left and started my life with someone who did not misrepresent themselves to me at the onset. You deserve happiness as much as your spouse

I am happy with them. Im bi so it doesnt really matter to me that theyre going to change. Yeah, its an adjustment but they didnt do it on purpose. When you grow up with people who dont understand or even try to you push things down, ignore things and feelings from a very young age causing you to not even know yourself. I understand that and i support them. Leaving isnt an option for me. I might sound young and nieve to some of you but weve been together for almost 10years, through guy trouble, girl trouble, people dieing, people almost dieing in terrible car accidents, sibling issues, ect. If we can make it through all that and come out better i have no doubt we can make it through this. My dillema is that i dont think we really make enough money to have a kid and go through the change. Both are very expensive. Ive never wanted kids until the last few years. We agreed from the start on that so i pretty much deceived them too. Neither of us on purpose. I just dont know if its extremly important to me or not. I just feel pressured to figure it out quicky becuase of time restraints.

I feel you, AL1120. My partner told me just before I was to start fertility treatments last year. I'm 34.

1) I think if you have concerns about money, you will really need to break it down. Do you have insurance? Maybe you can change plans. I think transition and having kids are both doable, but you have to really crunch the numbers.

2) I think you guys really need to figure out whether or not your partner wants biological kids. Because if you want biological kids and your partner does not, then you need to get a new partner. (You could probably do artificial insemination with someone else's sperm if that's something you want to do and it's cheaper than IVF.) I always thought my partner wanted kids, but he also gave me the "i rather adopt" line too.

3) I know at 26, 30 seems really old, but it's not. And honestly, if you haven't started trying to conceive yet, you might still have problems conceiving at 26. You really don't know your situation yet unless you've gone to a fertility doctor. You can always freeze your eggs in your 20s if you are really worried about it.

4) I feel pressure too to figure stuff out to because of my biological clock. But I think you should at least give yourself a year to figure stuff out. It's been a year and half since my partner broke the news and I'm in a much better place now than when I first heard about it.

5) Leaving is always an option. It may not be the option you choose or want to choose, but it is always an option. You have a long and amazing history with your partner, but at the same time, your partner has not been honest with you. You deserve love and support for your dreams just as much as your partner does. I've been with my partner for 9 years as well.

*hugs* Be kind to yourself--the next few months are going to be an emotional roller coaster ride. And we are here to listen! *hugs*

Thanks Cora. I appriciate your advice. I dont want to have kids after 30 because my parents and grandmother were both older and i spent my entire high school time taking care of my grandma and emediatly after taking care of my mom after her car accident, which i understand can happen at any time, and now my dad is on a transplant list for a new liver. I just dont want to have a 20yr old and be in my 60s or 70s. Id adopt after 30 but like if im 35 id want no younger than a 5 yr old. If we cant have our own im totally fine with adopting instead. I just dont know if i wanna try or not.
As for not being honest with me about everything....well i get it. It took em awhile to be honest with themselves, and you cant really be honest with other people until you figure out who you are first. Weve talked about it a lot and theyve answered any questions ive had and discussed my concerns. Theyve always been willing to have kids with me, its just not a preference for them. Theyve always been supportive of me too. I quit my 3yr job 2 yrs ago to go to cosmetology school for nails and just this month quit were i was, owner sold it to people that dont know what theyre doing, to start up my own place with a coworker.

Ah, that's tough having to be the one who took care of your parents and grandparents when you are young.

One of my friends just had a kid at 38--she herself was born when her mom was 20 years old or so. She was raised by her grandmother while her mom worked. She's so excited to be a Mom and her kid is the happiest baby ever. Sometimes it gives me hope that I'll have a happy family like her when I'm 38.

I think sometimes our best made plans can be thrown for a loop. Maybe you'll get to 29/30 and be like, this is amazing time in my life, let's do the kid thing now.

Anyway, good luck on the new business venture! That sounds really exciting!

Transition is extremely expensive. My spouse has spent $20,000 on hair removal alone. She has also had 6 surgeries over the last 3 years. We live in rural Arkansas so we had to travel to get these done. It’s a lot. We are very blessed that she has a great job and we are close to 50 with mostly grown children. We do still have a 14 year old at home. I did hear that Starbucks has medical coverage that covers trans healthcare and that you qualify as long as you work 20 hours a week. It would be worth checking out for any trans person looking to transition and have it covered.

Thanks cora. I need all the luck right now. Things are going well at work but could always be better. And i dont think theres anything wrong with having kids at 38 or 45. Its just not for me with my family history.
Atmywitsend1234 thanks for the info about starbucks. Well uave to look into that. 20,000 on hair removal alone is the reason i feel like i have to choose between a kid and their happiness. Its so freakin expensive and itll only get more expensive.

I believe my spouse got Groupon discounts for his laser hair removal.

That's a great idea!!