There was just one in Philly a few weeks/months ago (time has really gotten messed up in my head). Our therapist mentioned it. You are brave. I am still so fragile in person. Much stronger online.

I feel like you GR, I think it would be too confronting. It would probably make me either really angry or really sad, or both. Cora I think it's very brave of you to even think about going to something like that.
I had a look at some of the conferences on the list and although some of them make reference to allies there are none that specifically mention support or education for spouses and families.
I'm a bit wary when there's a mention of 'allies' because there always seems to be an assumption that the allies are completely on board and happy with what the TG person is doing.
My husband tried to be helpful and ordered me a book for TG partners; the author said she didn't understand why some spouses feel grief and pretty much dismissed it as self indulgence. The book is in the bin.

Leonie, at least your husband tried. Maybe he should have shopped around some more though... LOL!

Had a talk yesterday with my husband about my difficulty feeling like my identity is different and I am trying to reconcile that still. He seemed to shrug off identity questions like they were not important or silly. And I told him that to me, being dysphoric and upset to the degree he is over something like body hair seems silly, but that I have always kept that to myself because I know it is important to him. Thus, my identity should be important to him BECAUSE it is important to me. We can be allies to our spouses and to the trans community, but I expect them to be allies to us as well.

"My husband tried to be helpful and ordered me a book for TG partners; the author said she didn't understand why some spouses feel grief and pretty much dismissed it as self indulgence. The book is in the bin."

Yikes!! You should get "The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families" it's really fantastic and I think it really speaks to our issue. That our spouse's orientation has change and that is the essential problem.

Oh GR I totally understand where you're coming from - such a shame that your husband seems to be unable to. Sounds like he's uncomfortable with it and maybe dismissing it is his coping mechanism, or maybe he's stuck in 'all about me' mode (happens a lot from what I can tell).
Since telling me about the GD my husband has been dressed in female mode all the time when we're home alone. While I'm usually ok with that I did get a bit annoyed that we never discussed it and I miss HIM. A couple of nights ago I asked if he'd set aside 1 or 2 nights a week for me in male mode. It didn't really get a good reception although he's a sensitive enough person to realise that I was pretty upset.
The next day he sent me an email expressing how the GD was affecting him and had been since his early teens. He acknowledged that he misunderstood my acquiescence and how hard this is for me. I replied with my concerns & that he needs to slow down, and I think we're going a little better. Last night he was in male mode all night without seeming too unhappy.....
Anyway, his therapist asked me to come along to the next session in a couple of weeks - he's asked her for ways to manage his dysphoria and I'm part of that, so we'll see how that goes.
Cora, thanks so much for the tip about a different book. It's my next Google search!

I'll have to check that book out as well! It's been a struggle to find support and help that isn't dismissive "just divorce" or "you should be supportive over all else" I think there's a middle ground.

Cora, I didn't even finish reading your email, I went right to google and searched the book. Thank you for the recommendation. I posted a while ago about asking my partner WHO I was going to the Play with. Well, he went half and half. I wore a man's shirt and women's slacks, no jewelry. I was somewhat embarrassed because the pants are too short. I think he looks silly, but that's on him. His co-workers were at happy hour and noticed his hair was done different and were sort of laughing at him. I took it that way. He didn't.
And... let me just say that the whole closet thing is crazy. He has taken over the entire bedroom closet with all his different gender outfits. I am relegated, by choice, to the smaller closet in the extra room. He has his wardrobe of "nighties" then blouses etc. I have been as supportive as I think any straight person can be in this situation, however, it does seem to be bothering me more. I think he is calming down and almost telling himself he is fine, because of my reduced support, and he says he is ok with what he calls "trans light". It' doesn't seem to me to be understandable. Does he just like wearing women's clothes, is he really transgendered, is he stopping because he will never "look" like a woman. It's a mystery to me.

" he says he is ok with what he calls "trans light". It' doesn't seem to me to be understandable. Does he just like wearing women's clothes, is he really transgendered, is he stopping because he will never "look" like a woman. It's a mystery to me."
17, that is pretty well where we are too. When I ask him what the main attraction is, he says it's the clothes - he says women's clothes are made better, fit better, feel better and there is so much more choice. When we were shopping last week, we went from the women's to the men's section, and he was particularly struck with how immediately the materials and quality changed. He wasn't interested at all.
He is also aware that he won't be a pretty woman, and so he says he won't even try. He is terrified of any sort of ridicule. He thinks he's ugly, whatever gender he presents in (he isn't, I find him very attractive!). I did ask him once, if he'd had a fabulous, tanned toned male body, would he have been happy with that, and he said, he'd have been a lot happier.
I too wonder if people have noticed his 'different' look. No one has said a word to him or me, but I can't believe people don't notice he has eyeshadow on, or a woman's sweater. People have commented about how long his hair is - he won't even trim it, and it looks a mess. He never colours, combs or styles it all.
Most of his clothes stay in his suitcase (as he travels so much). He has a few drawers in our room - one is currently full of his over the top 'shapewear', which he doesn't use any more. The other one full of socks (he still wears male socks and shoes), and Sloggi knickers and a few 'scanty' items of underwear and other full of Ts and Sweats. The wardrobes are still full of his male clothes. Maybe he should throw them out....
So, like you, 17, I'm not really sure where he's at. It could all change any time, and I am in a state of such uncertainty and confusion.
Love to you,
Syl

Exactly. Mostly that uncertainty that limbo state of now what? What if? I think there is some depression brewing here on my part as this is all taking a toll on me. My job stress, uncertainty of my financial future, the possible implosion of my marriage. It's all weighing heavy on my right now.

"Does he just like wearing women's clothes, is he really transgendered, is he stopping because he will never "look" like a woman. It's a mystery to me."

My spouse has said the same thing. Like, he doesn't want to go clothing shopping because he knows he won't pass and that will make him feel worse about himself.

17, I definitely understand how heavy you feel. Like, ultimately, my spouse has to figure this out himself. I can't emotionally support him all by myself. I can't make his decisions. *hugs*