Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
We planned to talk to our son together. I had a nightmare earlier this week, where I was on a ship and a gigantic tornado was headed for the ship. I could see it and it was a mile wide. I kept trying to find a place to keep my son safe but being on a ship I had limited options. It was such an easy dream to interpret, knowing that in a few days we were going to talk to our son. Then the day before, I started having a panic attack. We did it. We spoke to our son last night. It went okay. We didn't over explain, but kept it simple. Still he cried and wanted to be held by each of us. His tears came from his fears of not knowing what this means. He wanted to know if Dad will still be Dad. It broke our hearts. This was last night. Today I woke up seriously depressed. Forced myself out of bed, only to start tearing up. I force myself to be okay in front of my spouse and son, but then I fall apart when I am alone. I so much wanted to protect our son from feeling any of the pain that I have felt. I tried to spin it, so that it's about being happy that Dad will finally live his "true self", but what does that mean to the rest of us. It means the person we love isn't real? I can't find the words or thoughts that really makes this okay and am incredibly sad that our son is hurting. I keep telling myself that kids are resilient, but my head is throbbing and my heart literally hurts in my chest due to the anxiety that I feel.
I would love to hear from any folks who have spoken to their kids.
He kept saying he would still be Dad, Husband, Son, Brother, grandfather. But then yesterday asked me if I ever saw myself calling him my wife. The lies the tell themselves only compound the hurt. if he transitions, he will no longer be "dad" My heart breaks for you and especially for your boy. No child deserves this
I.try to think how they will take.it and.i have no idea some people say they'll be ok but how do we know
It's.going to be a.shock and take.time to.procesd I've had 5 years to process and I'm not sure I want to see him as a she
That may sound harsh but that's where I am
Each child.is different and hopefully it doesn't destroy them and they can lead their own lives ...
Having been there, I would advise against using the "I will still be dad" line though. My spouse said this and now doesn't want to be called dad. My oldest is into languages, so she uses a word for "mom" in a different language. My youngest though doesn't seem to use that and doesn't know how to refer to her parent. I was really trying to stay out of their relationship, but when I realized this, it broke my heart. When speaking to them, I would refer to my spouse as "Dad" because of the "I will always be dad" line she told them. I was never told this was no longer the case. Now, I use my oldest's term and I hope the youngest will begin to feel comfortable with that.
I think about their major life events and how they will look, and I realize that we will always feel the impact of my spouse's transition. Just so much loss.