Ugh. Not to the estrogen so much as to the not including you in the decision. Everyone has a right to do whatever they want but the consequence of making decisions without talking to your spouse is that it creates distance and a general feeling of mistrust. I hope they are aware of that when it comes back and bites them in the ass later.

I have no experience with this yet though a lot of other women here do. Sylph was kind of blogging progress reports for awhile from the very beginning of her spouse going on HRT. I think other wives' spouses were already on it when they came to this forum. Hopefully someone with knowledge will fill you in, though every person's reaction to estrogen is slightly different.

Good luck and hugs
<3

thanks

Sorry he's done this without discussing it first, that's not on. My partner, a year ago, went on T-blockers without telling me. I worked it out and was furious when he admitted it. He stopped until such time as I was ready to discuss hormones. He's on low dose estrogen patches only - no anti-androgens as we want to keep our sex life - and to be honest, apart from some breast growth and testicle shrinkage, things are still pretty 'normal'. He hasn't changed either physically (other than what I just mentioned) or mentally. Says he feels 'calmer' but that's all. It hasn't made him rush out to put dresses and lipstick on either. In fact, it's more or less confirmed that he's gender fluid.

I think my fears about it were worse than the reality, so please don't panic too much. I hope your husband will include you in things from now on, as that is the only way to make things work.

Sending love xx

My spouse told me he was looking into it, formulated a letter to the therapist telling her what he knew she needed to hear, and was told he should go on hrt. OK, he never explained to me what that meant. We have no se as he can not get an erection. He has breasts, loves them and wants them bigger. He is taking voice lessons, shaves everything all the time, tans his legs, wears skinny (female) jeans to show off his new butt. I am not attracted to him anymore. I don't see the man I loved. I see a woman. He is letting his hair grow long and wears makeup all the time. I think all doctors should require a family consult before allowing a married person to embark on HRT. It isn't fair for the spouse to be blinded sided with the changes and the loses.

I am, like Sylph, and GR, sorry that your spouse chose not to share with you and made the decision with out you. I am struggling with whether to stay or not, I am in counseling and sometimes I just want to say "You made your choice without considering me. These are the consequences."

I'm trying not to be mean or hurtful, but this is painful and awful. I am so depressed that I am barely functioning.

All my best girls.

today, I just now had a talk with him, saying that I needed him to stop the lying and be completely open and honest regardless, he couldn't even agree to that. everything always goes back to my whole life, blah blah, blah. why are you even with me, blah blah

I said I NEED this as much as you NEED hormones, wigs, etc. again, he refused to agree to complete transparency

I feel broken

My heart is aching for you. However, he is making decisions that you have might have to make later, easier, if he is choosing not to participate and allow you in on this journey. He is making all the decisions and therefore must own the responsibility that goes with it. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Tomorrow is a new day, maybe with new insights, a new friend, or a changed man - one who wants to really allow you to come along side of him. He could be scared too.

thanks, your words (all of you) truly help. and like someone said before in another post, I do wish we were closer in geography, would be good to be in the same room to discuss this stuff

I'm Illinois. Near St. Louis, Close to Indiana, and so forth. A ladies weekend would be awesome.

Sorry you're going through this LDmessing, and I get where you're coming from.
My spouse too started hormones without telling me, and I was so upset that I wasn't told. I felt like I didn't matter. There were other things he didn't tell me and it really shakes the foundation of trust. It's something I struggle with in our relationship.
As for what is coming up, I can only let you know from my experience with my spouse being on hormones for well over 2 years. His body has changed, he's lost some muscle, his skin is softer, he's developed breasts (which I'm not attracted to at all), he smells different, and his body shaped has changed. On the upside, he's more calm and not as quick to get angry. Of course it will vary how your spouse will react to the hormones, but for my spouse...once he started there's no way he'll ever go back.
Hope you're okay, and tomorrow brings a better day.

LD, when my spouse started hormones, he told me, but there was no discussion about my concerns. I didn't have a say in it. He has breasts, and like 17's spouse, would like them bigger. (I am not attracted at all). His skin is very soft and is easily scratched, his hair is longer, longer nails, shaved body, and electrolysis on his face. His body is changed. His facial features are softer. He says he feels calmer, but his personality is also changed. He is lazy and doesn't help around the house.
He's very secretive too, so my trust in him is gone. I agree with Ina, I feel like I just don't matter any more and there is no way he will go back. I wish you well LD. This is a rough journey, but you are not alone.

I came to the realization last night that my wants and needs don't matter to him, that was a tough pill to swallow
Thanks everyone

My husband started his HRT a month ago and I was on board... so far. His hair was already longer and he started electrolysis on his beard 6 months ago.... he said he is going slowly for me and my son. I will agree he is much calmer... not sure if it is the hormones or just he has started his journey.... BTW I have known for 6 years that my husband was a transgender women.

I could have wrote these posts myself. I have been with my husband almost 20 years married almost 10. He started hormones this summer and just told me two weeks ago. I am so angry. I could tell something was odd because he started looking feminine. He is growing his hair out long again, has a cartridge hoop, has shaved everything for years, is getting laser hair removal on his face also without caring of the cost to us, and the breast tissue which I notice and don’t like and it’s only been since summer so when is the fill effects of that? I am beyond upset by all of this and we have a 4 year old daughtsr who has started noticing my breasts so how am I going to explain of his gets bigger ?

It really hurts when your spouse makes hard decisions that impact you without consideration for you. Mine had his first name changed this summer (from his male name to a female one.) I found out when the insurance company sent a revised policy with the name change. How is it legal that the spouse is not considered? Can the state assign me to a gay marriage when that is not my identity? The counselors push them to take bold action even knowing it hurts the partner and marriage. I wish we were better protected.

Hurt, unfortunately they can. My spouse changed hir first name and the spelling of hir last name without telling me. Ze couldn't change my last name or the kids, but instead gave me the information so I could do it myself. No thank you. I will be going back to my maiden name after the divorce is final.

The only thing my spouse needed me to sign off on was gender reassignment surgery. Everything else (including all other surgeries) were done without my knowledge or permission.

Now, we are separated and in the process of divorcing, so I am fine with my spouse not consulting me. Hir life. I'm out, and ze can do as ze wishes. My state, however, does not recognize "separation" as a marital state. You are married or you aren't, so even if we had been living together, my consent would not have been needed.