Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
I'm in one of those moods where I just wish a lightning bolt would hit me and get this TG insanity over with. The house is in escrow, and the spouse "Alana Jane" has a place to go - a two year house-sitting stint. Sweet! Then I got yelled at signing papers today at the realtor's office, because I forgot to say "she" instead of "he". Poor baby. I could care less. Oh, and no help packing or cleaning up the house this weekend,because Ms. Thing has to go to electrolysis and support group on Friday, the TG Pride Parade Saturday, and heaven only knows about Sunday - except it won't be church. So GOJ will be working all weekend to get things done towards the move.
Also, we live in a small town and I can't find an apartment or rental that takes cats. Those two cats are the ONLY thing that get me up in the morning. I drove around in the 106 deg. heat this afternoon to find something. Nothing. So, I guess I'm out on the street, or Motel 6. Kind of scary. It just makes me so angry that the actions of the spouse led me to this place. It's really mind-boggling to me how far I've fallen in a few months.
Then, people are making me so mad lately with their "helpful" suggestions and pat answers. "Hey Jen, you should write a book about all of this", or "sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we planned, and we have to grow up and deal with it." Or how about, "join a new club, or take up a hobby. That should take your mind off things." Oh and "have you read that book called "TranSister"? (get it, like the radio?)" How completely amusing. Aaaahhhh! Shut the heck up, all of you. Why do people think they know everything about this situation? They aren't even in the ballpark much less the universe.
To top it off, I've finally decided as of today to go with the divorce and not a legal separation. I'll lose my medical insurance, but I really don't care. I feel sick either way. Just so want my absolute freedom if that is even possible. Sorry if this is all an incoherent rant, but with this transgender thing, it tends to scramble your brain now and then.
Also, we live in a small town and I can't find an apartment or rental that takes cats. Those two cats are the ONLY thing that get me up in the morning. I drove around in the 106 deg. heat this afternoon to find something. Nothing. So, I guess I'm out on the street, or Motel 6. Kind of scary. It just makes me so angry that the actions of the spouse led me to this place. It's really mind-boggling to me how far I've fallen in a few months.
Then, people are making me so mad lately with their "helpful" suggestions and pat answers. "Hey Jen, you should write a book about all of this", or "sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we planned, and we have to grow up and deal with it." Or how about, "join a new club, or take up a hobby. That should take your mind off things." Oh and "have you read that book called "TranSister"? (get it, like the radio?)" How completely amusing. Aaaahhhh! Shut the heck up, all of you. Why do people think they know everything about this situation? They aren't even in the ballpark much less the universe.
To top it off, I've finally decided as of today to go with the divorce and not a legal separation. I'll lose my medical insurance, but I really don't care. I feel sick either way. Just so want my absolute freedom if that is even possible. Sorry if this is all an incoherent rant, but with this transgender thing, it tends to scramble your brain now and then.
I remember those days! Things will get better.
When I was trying to leave, trying to put into words what this had done to me, trying to pull coherent thoughts from a mind that had been screwed with for years, I would get so frustrated that I just stopped talking. Please don't do that. I do understand what you are saying...probably all of us do.
Even when I explained what happened, I didn't feel HEARD. It is just so outside of normal experiences that it is almost impossible for people to put themselves in our shoes. To be honest, I don't think that I would have "gotten it", had it not happened to me. It is very isolating and scary. And at a time when you feel like you are physically falling apart, are emotionally bankrupt, and have no idea what your future looks like. Everything just piles right on.
You'll make it through this. You've already been through so much...you're a strong woman.
I'll be thinking of you.
Shelly
I tried to find the info in other posts, but I couldn't. Sorry. But.... how long have you known? I have known for 10 months now and I spent a ton of time in that anger stage of the grieving process. I do still get angry, but those scary-angry thoughts have subsided. Hopefully, they will for you as well, and you will find peace.
I also must say that I am amazed by all the stories on this board. Our spouses have brought such chaos into our lives. They have caused such upheaval, and they go on with their lives and leave us to pick up the broken pieces.
I also can't imagine what it must be like in a small town like yours. My husband has not gone out in public around here dressed up. I know he has on business trips and in the city where we have our condo, but not around here -- at least not that I know of. I'm sure it is just matter of time, and then I will be right there with you getting all that "helpful" advice.
Hang in there. You'll get through this and come out on the other side of this better and stronger.
Hugs,
Lynn