Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
ok, two weeks ago I heard all my husband had sone and trust me there so much more than what I had been told. Thanks to a poloygraphy test he told all. Needless to say the shock took it's toll on my body and I got very sick the day we got home. I am still fighting an ear infection and just starting to feel better. As I watched my husband going on with life being able to work his recovery and move on with his life sometimes I became resentful but alwasy keeping it from blowing up. I see im working hard and trying. The trouble is that he is going for runs in the afternoon and I don't trust him. I don't stop him from going and I don't yell and scream or make a big issue. He came home and was mad because I was not all lovey dove and said that he couldn't live this way(after me only knowing for 2 weeks all he has done). I am not being a crazy woman about this but I also am not going to be his best friend. Last week he took his work phone with him on his walk(the way he would get what he needed for his Addiction) and he said he wouldn;t take it anymore. I just don't know wht to think anymore I am sick of geting upset and not saying anything then he will come in be sweet and tell me how much he loves me this is happening more and more. Any advise? sorry if this is confussing I have a blocked ear and it is making me dizzy. Thaanks for understanding!
I am not sure but I think the help would be different for each couple. I would hope that you would get help based on what a therapist saw that you needed. I think that we are left to figure so much of this out on our own and the addict has the support of so many others. I was given no path at the start of this and as I like to say "thrown to the wolves of his addiction".
I know that with the poloygraph comes a FULL disclosure first. I had been promised over and over that he had told me all and yet we seemed to be in a holding pattern, so we couldn't move on to begin to try to repair the relationship. I seemed to always feel there was more and he couldn't truely break free from the addiction without being honest with himself and me, so we became stuck. We just didn't know what to do or how to make it better for us.
I can't tell you for sure why the full disclosure followed by the poloygraph helped. I think it was because we had closure on his past acting out and that for the first time I knew who my husband was and I was now given the right to make a decision based on the truth so I felt more in controll of my own life choices.
I have read on this site and felt the same way that we are forgotten about during this addiction. for me it was not what Dr. magness said but that he was there for me and that my husband cared enough about us to disclose the bare essence of his addiction to me. To open up his soul and allow me to see the part of him that no other had seen. Please know sheenre it didn't feel that way at first it was hurtful and upsetting but durning this time in houston we spent countless hours talking and some times with me yelling but we started to connect again in a way that my husband had never connected and I was finally getting what I thought I already had, a honest relationship.
I know that you are still very angry with your H and that it is hard to let the past go with him, I struggle with the samething but I can tell you that I am with a man that I know now and the man that I feel in love with is still there and there is also a boy that was trapped by an addiction that kept hold of him no matter how hard he tried to break free, his love for me was not even enough. He struggles with these bonds every min of every day and as long as he is fighting and winning the battle I will do my best to stay.
I know my husband is wrong, very wrong for what he did and I question so much about his actions and I WILL never understand how he could do what he did, I gave up on that. I do understand that I have love for him a protected love and sometimes a silent love but never the less it is love. I am not sure that I believe in unconditional love for anyone but what I do believe in, is forgiveness. It is hard sometimes to give forgiveness and can be impossible but I will try.....hugs
JosephineRousel89 08/29/2017
DS has a no advertising rule, you even posted on a widow(old post as most of your others that you have pulled up.