My husband had 4.5 years of recovery. I just found out yesterday that he relapsed 7 months ago. From that point on it progressing in activities and frequency of acting out. A month ago he was back to all his old compulsions. He admitted this after being caught yesterday. On some level I already knew. I would trust your instincts. It is hard when we've thought something was going on before and have constantly been told nothing was happening. After awhile it is hard to believe what you know. You doubt yourself and think maybe I'm just paranoid because of the past. My Husband started going less to his groups. He was getting up earlier while I was still asleep. He was downstairs in his office all day/night. He works at home. When I came into the room it "seemed" like he was changing what he was doing. The last month he started acting "nicer" to me - allowing home improvements we'd battled about for years, going out on a weekly date and being euphoric. I am pretty depressed right now. Since 4.5 years ago wasn't the first time, I said I would divorce him if he reverted back to old behaviors which of course, includes lying. I liked the other post on giving myself time to make a good decision. Our finances do not support living separately, I love our home and most of our lifestyle. I just wish I didn't have to make this decision.

2songbirds, I too didn't trust my gut.. But I got webwatcher and isntalled it and it told me my gut was right. Now I AWAYS trust my gut. I have been where you've been and we hear so much that they are clean but our gut is telling us something different. I got fed up and had to PROVE to MYSELF that I wasn't crazy, and I did prove it. He is lying and continues to lie to my face about it.. I asked him about a show he was watching that I already KNEW he had been looking up an actress on line NUDE.. his immediate response was F_____ YOU!!!! That is his defensive mechanism kicking in and I don't know how many times I have told him that when he gets defensive like that it is a huge sign of being guilty but because he had just looked up this actress that day and she was fresh on his mind, he SNAPPED when I asked him and of course he DENIED watching the show because of her and said he just liked the show.. I had to prove to myself that I wasn't going crazy so I installed the program and it was worth every penny for my own sanity....

New Harmony.....so very sorry for his relapse and I relate so to "Our finances do not support living separately, I love our home and most of our lifestyle. I just wish I didn't have to make this decision." I am in that boat. Haven't worked but raised the kids. Have an illness now and need insurance and wouldn't qualify on my own. I also have the ultimatum that if there is a relapse I'm done. But my h was acting outside of the marriage with prostitutes and massage parlors and strippers. for our situation he wasn't into porn and would consider that a slip. It has to be so sad to go 4.5 years in recovery but it just shows all of us about complacency in this program and my h has been complacent but we learn there is nothing we can do about that. Can't control their recovery and if they relapse the whole brain cycle of thinking and attitudes all come back...HOW EXHAUSTING!! You do have time to make the best decision for you. Take care of yourself and love yourself!!

Hi my H is in recovery and has been for several months now. Intimacy has gone from bad to worse and he doesnt want to socialize. He has taken up a new hobby learning to play the guitar. He has slipped once and wont even tell me what his thearapist says. I have had to find outt about sexual addiction by myself He has been a SA for over 25yrs and tells me there has not been anyone else in the 25yrs we have been together. I do not believe this as he was obsessed with a woman across the street from us several years back and even had dreams of her and i fighting {she always won either the fight or him}. He does not communicate a lot and spends time either on his computer or playing on his x box. He does not go out with me socially. The only touching we have is cuddling every once in a while and a peck on the lips when he goes to work. Yes he does go to the bathroom a lot and spends ages in there. I feel so alone but dont know what to do.

These ladies are correct when they say, "trust your feeling, your instinct, your gut" - it's all the same subconscious intuition that serves to protect you and warn you when something is not right. If it doesn't 'feel right', then it most likely isn't.
I have learned to always trust my instinct, no matter what, and I've always found that it's right on target. Your subconscious picks up on very subtle signs that you're not aware of.
After being with my H for over 23 years, I know him pretty well.
He has slipped a bit here & there, but nothing serious - and I have always nipped it in the bud before it gets out of hand and full blown addict behavior again.
Staying one step ahead is key to protecting yourself and letting him know that you're fully aware of what's going on.
((hugs))