Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
Ok ladies. I'm embarrassed to even type this but here goes. Back in mid-August 2009 I ordered 34 Viagra pills at 100 mg dose for my husband and I for his ED. In late December he told me he was out of pills. Now the normal dose for a man to take is 50 mg which means after splitting the pills in half, DH should've had 68 pills total!!!!
We have been having problems in our marriage and sex has been every 2-3 weeks for a long period of time. In fact just before Christmas Eve we had not had intercourse in 5 straight weeks! Maybe I'm paranoid but I tend to write down when DH and I have sex because I am having trust issues with him and Internet porn. Since the pills arrived in September we might've had sex 6-8 times max. Whenever there are stress issues with DH's work or his stepchildren and I aren't getting along we pretty much have a sexless marriage.
Here's the kicker. I confront DH about this and he acted like some of the pills must've slid out of his suitcase when we went on vacation. Um our vacation was July 4th weekend 2009 prior to the new batch of pills. Try again. So DH says sometimes he takes a pill in hopes we'll have sex then it just doesn't happen. Ok fine. Say he takes 1-2 pills a week in that frame of mind that still means there are roughly 34 pills missing given from September to December there are about 16 weeks in that time period. Now my math can't be all that bad plus when DH takes the Viagra his face tends to flush beet red.
Why would any man swallow that many pills and NEVER tell his wife he was "in the mood?" I did talk to DH's best friend and he told me he would KNOW if my DH were cheating on me as they've been best friends for over 30 years and not to worry on that one. This guy knows my devotion to my DH and wouldn't lie to me. He often tells me my DH is a fool not to stand up for me to his stepchildren and he can sense my unhappiness in the marriage from being denied sex almost like a punishment technique--so wrong!
The only thing I can think of is that my DH is jacking off to porn while I sleep and has to use the Viagra pills to get and keep an erection. Those pills cost over $100 and I bought them with my own money and didn't even get the benefit of their use. I'm so disheartened at this point. DH is acting like it's a chore to have sex with me yet I took what he said months ago to heart and stopped initiating sex with him because he claims it was a "turn off" and it got me nowhere. He claims he wanted sex, swallowed the pills yet never said a word to me about it. Viagra lasts about 4 hours after it takes effect and I'm not a mind reader! Without my husband coming to me with a boner or dropping hints, I am clueless. Normally our intimacy falls on the weekends as DH's work schedule keeps us from having relations during the week unless I stay up late and lose a lot of sleep.
I recently got diagnosed with Periodic Limb Movement Disorder where my legs and arms move 20 or more times an hour and my body is getting maybe 1-2 hours of deep REM sleep a night. It's as if I never slept and my health is failing. Yet despite all this I have NOT lost my sex drive. I just feel really disappointed that there is some secret my DH is holding. I just don't believe he could take that many pills and never initiate sex with me. Am I wrong in thinking this?
I don't want to order more Viagra for him. I want him to buy it himself if he's going to waste it on someone other than me whether it's a porn girl online or some tramp he's met elsewhere. Just a couple days ago he brought up the sex is a chore thing again and I thought "Ok, I can fix that. I can go another 5 weeks plus of no sex again and see what the real problem is."
The invisible man in the bedroom is still there too. I am so tired of my DH having to imagine some other man is having sex with me to get aroused, stay aroused and get off (which lately he isn't shooting his load if you get my drift). A woman knows when her man has FINISHED and he doesn't get there very often.
It's bad enough my health is failing but I am tired of being painted out to be some sex craved wife who is doing overkill. I survived 5 weeks of NONE and can do it again. I just hate I have no one I can really talk to about this in my social circle and am thankful for you ladies here. What do you think is going on with my DH? I am so worn thin. I see my psychiatrist on Monday because they think my periodic limb movement disorder has both neurological and respiratory issues to the point I need a 15+ minute appointment to go over my test results in detail from my sleep apnea study I took in December. I know something's up because my nurse practitioner would not call me on her vacation time between Christmas and New Year's to tell me it's critical I get in to see her.
I just want to cry. I feel like my DH and I will never have a normal sex life as long as he refuses to get help and we have other issues going on in the marriage as well that cause me stress. Please offer me some input and ideas on how to cope. I thought of rationing pills of the Viagra but then DH would call me a control freak. Sigh.
We have been having problems in our marriage and sex has been every 2-3 weeks for a long period of time. In fact just before Christmas Eve we had not had intercourse in 5 straight weeks! Maybe I'm paranoid but I tend to write down when DH and I have sex because I am having trust issues with him and Internet porn. Since the pills arrived in September we might've had sex 6-8 times max. Whenever there are stress issues with DH's work or his stepchildren and I aren't getting along we pretty much have a sexless marriage.
Here's the kicker. I confront DH about this and he acted like some of the pills must've slid out of his suitcase when we went on vacation. Um our vacation was July 4th weekend 2009 prior to the new batch of pills. Try again. So DH says sometimes he takes a pill in hopes we'll have sex then it just doesn't happen. Ok fine. Say he takes 1-2 pills a week in that frame of mind that still means there are roughly 34 pills missing given from September to December there are about 16 weeks in that time period. Now my math can't be all that bad plus when DH takes the Viagra his face tends to flush beet red.
Why would any man swallow that many pills and NEVER tell his wife he was "in the mood?" I did talk to DH's best friend and he told me he would KNOW if my DH were cheating on me as they've been best friends for over 30 years and not to worry on that one. This guy knows my devotion to my DH and wouldn't lie to me. He often tells me my DH is a fool not to stand up for me to his stepchildren and he can sense my unhappiness in the marriage from being denied sex almost like a punishment technique--so wrong!
The only thing I can think of is that my DH is jacking off to porn while I sleep and has to use the Viagra pills to get and keep an erection. Those pills cost over $100 and I bought them with my own money and didn't even get the benefit of their use. I'm so disheartened at this point. DH is acting like it's a chore to have sex with me yet I took what he said months ago to heart and stopped initiating sex with him because he claims it was a "turn off" and it got me nowhere. He claims he wanted sex, swallowed the pills yet never said a word to me about it. Viagra lasts about 4 hours after it takes effect and I'm not a mind reader! Without my husband coming to me with a boner or dropping hints, I am clueless. Normally our intimacy falls on the weekends as DH's work schedule keeps us from having relations during the week unless I stay up late and lose a lot of sleep.
I recently got diagnosed with Periodic Limb Movement Disorder where my legs and arms move 20 or more times an hour and my body is getting maybe 1-2 hours of deep REM sleep a night. It's as if I never slept and my health is failing. Yet despite all this I have NOT lost my sex drive. I just feel really disappointed that there is some secret my DH is holding. I just don't believe he could take that many pills and never initiate sex with me. Am I wrong in thinking this?
I don't want to order more Viagra for him. I want him to buy it himself if he's going to waste it on someone other than me whether it's a porn girl online or some tramp he's met elsewhere. Just a couple days ago he brought up the sex is a chore thing again and I thought "Ok, I can fix that. I can go another 5 weeks plus of no sex again and see what the real problem is."
The invisible man in the bedroom is still there too. I am so tired of my DH having to imagine some other man is having sex with me to get aroused, stay aroused and get off (which lately he isn't shooting his load if you get my drift). A woman knows when her man has FINISHED and he doesn't get there very often.
It's bad enough my health is failing but I am tired of being painted out to be some sex craved wife who is doing overkill. I survived 5 weeks of NONE and can do it again. I just hate I have no one I can really talk to about this in my social circle and am thankful for you ladies here. What do you think is going on with my DH? I am so worn thin. I see my psychiatrist on Monday because they think my periodic limb movement disorder has both neurological and respiratory issues to the point I need a 15+ minute appointment to go over my test results in detail from my sleep apnea study I took in December. I know something's up because my nurse practitioner would not call me on her vacation time between Christmas and New Year's to tell me it's critical I get in to see her.
I just want to cry. I feel like my DH and I will never have a normal sex life as long as he refuses to get help and we have other issues going on in the marriage as well that cause me stress. Please offer me some input and ideas on how to cope. I thought of rationing pills of the Viagra but then DH would call me a control freak. Sigh.
Gillian
well if that's the case he needs help,but he wont and he would keep denying the disappearance of his pills except that he gave them to me to hold onto which I think is redick as ive never been a control freak so that's a turn off for me. id like to just give them back but its the cheating im unable to get out of my head like if its a person then I don't care about love ,hed be out the door. I noticed thothere is a half dose hanging out in the shaving bag so ill keep my eye on that I guess .I am quite uoset but I see the humor in it also, thank you for replying, because I cannot share this with anyone its too private and anyone in my circle wouoldnt understand the porn connection they would say get him out of your life and I don't like drama...
Gillian
he gave me the pills to hang onto as he adamantly denied cheating so who knows , I don't,, I noticed a stray half dose haining out in the shaving stuff which he doesn't know I seen so ill see what happens to that, I just thought the whole thing with porn was that they didn't need the Viagra to get an erection,so when I seen 4 pills missing I have to question his fidelity
candycin
No sadly as the porn addiction gets worse and worse they often cant get an erection with that either so they start watching new, different and even worse types of porn as their brain gets used to that basic crap. Porn addiction is often an esculating addiction and can start other types of acting out. Online chat, webcam sex, then turn to real life people. Honestly if an active acting out addict is talking they are generally lying.
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