Love to hear thoughts on this idea my therapist tossed out the other day. I said I'm still having trouble reacting the moment I know my h is surfing porn. I come home and know things don't feel right in the room and can see it on his face that he was in the middle of looking at porn. My normal pattern is to go a little blank and maybe talk about some mundane thing like the shopping list we were looking for. Then, a day or two later, I bring up the situation and tell him how it made me feel. At least I'm getting better at that part. This whole scenario is happening less and less btw...but I'm not fooling myself that it isn't ever going to happen again...because I know it probably is...next week or next year, don't know. But I would like to be able to react the moment it happens and not be slow to process until the next day...but i was having trouble imagining what that reaction would look like. Would I smash the computer? Would I yell and throw plates at the wall? Cry? Storm back out of the house and go to a friends? Sit and talk calmly and tell him how I feel at that moment while explaining I'm trying not to blank out and disconnect from him and my surroundings? Maybe that would be the best thing. But he threw out an idea for me to think about. What about if I sit down next to him and ask him to show me what he was looking at and ask why he looks and what it does for him? Not in a way that has an intent to shame or supervise or "catch him in the act" or judge or make it seem like I'm trying to participate and get off with him. But in a way that is more objective...wanting to understand and discuss like an anthropologist. Maybe also like a spiritual advisor...walking alongside him in his darkness and wondering together if there ever was a time when this wasnt okay for him either and when did that change into being okay? Why is it okay now? Where do we go from here? I'm not sure I could pull it off but thinking about giving it a try and curious what would happen. I don't think my h would respond in any kind of open way with me...but maybe he would....?
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