Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
I've been reading, we've been talking..more of me talking to H...we are both in therapy now. It's been 2 months since I last discovered the porn on the computer, but only a month at best since I put together the pieces that h never stopped at his porn addiciton over the years as he promised me. I guess i was in shock from the last initial discovery, and couldn't comprehend the facts. Now I see them.
I don't know how to get out of the self pity, empathy, sympasizing, shameful mode. I don't even know how to put it. I realized today with the patterns of my moods that I have officially fallen into a depression. Not necessarily because of this last discovery. It is because I feel like I am mourning our entire relationship, and meanwhile he is trying. I had just told him I wasn't happy with "us" just a month prior to finding out his dirty lill secret. then, I have to deal with PA on top of that.
I need to know how to move on from the codependent/coaddict mode. I have so many books. Like I said, we are both in therapy, altho I just started and tmrw will be my 2nd session with my own therapist. I think, and I think, and I think. When I think too much and my emoticions get the best of me, I write them down on paper for him to read.
I need to get out of this depression, and I don't know how. I actually thought tonight about taking my stash of antidepressants to get thru this....altho they won't do anything for me in the long run...I need to face this.
I"ve come to realize that I wasn't happy in this relationship and it needed worked on before finding out his full blown PA....
And, the one question I have for him that he cannot answer is "why?"....he says he can't relate to the reading, literature, lecture. It's something he and the therapist are working on...why he kept going back to looking, watching, seeking out porn. I asked if it was due to boredom....he says maybe, but....
that is the hardest part for me. I need to know this before I can move on. Was it because of the sexual "high", or because he was bored with me? I stated to him how I had been bored with him over the years, in phases, but it would pass and moved on...without outside stimulation. And, actually, it was I that brought into our sex life the kinky fun stuff....
I need to know how to get over this...we are still working on an in-house separation....finances allowing....Do I turn to antidepressants to self medicate thru this? The therapy hour doesn't seem long enough...I need more...yet, when I talk to him, I feel it gets us no where...
I don't know how to get out of the self pity, empathy, sympasizing, shameful mode. I don't even know how to put it. I realized today with the patterns of my moods that I have officially fallen into a depression. Not necessarily because of this last discovery. It is because I feel like I am mourning our entire relationship, and meanwhile he is trying. I had just told him I wasn't happy with "us" just a month prior to finding out his dirty lill secret. then, I have to deal with PA on top of that.
I need to know how to move on from the codependent/coaddict mode. I have so many books. Like I said, we are both in therapy, altho I just started and tmrw will be my 2nd session with my own therapist. I think, and I think, and I think. When I think too much and my emoticions get the best of me, I write them down on paper for him to read.
I need to get out of this depression, and I don't know how. I actually thought tonight about taking my stash of antidepressants to get thru this....altho they won't do anything for me in the long run...I need to face this.
I"ve come to realize that I wasn't happy in this relationship and it needed worked on before finding out his full blown PA....
And, the one question I have for him that he cannot answer is "why?"....he says he can't relate to the reading, literature, lecture. It's something he and the therapist are working on...why he kept going back to looking, watching, seeking out porn. I asked if it was due to boredom....he says maybe, but....
that is the hardest part for me. I need to know this before I can move on. Was it because of the sexual "high", or because he was bored with me? I stated to him how I had been bored with him over the years, in phases, but it would pass and moved on...without outside stimulation. And, actually, it was I that brought into our sex life the kinky fun stuff....
I need to know how to get over this...we are still working on an in-house separation....finances allowing....Do I turn to antidepressants to self medicate thru this? The therapy hour doesn't seem long enough...I need more...yet, when I talk to him, I feel it gets us no where...
Learningskills
I know just how you feel. I was that way for a really long time. Over time that feeling of panic and confusion has reduced a lot. I still get it sometimes...and try to find the initial trigger for it. Wow, what a task this is. But, it does get better over time.
2songbirds
sheenre: thank you...sometimes I was feeling like I was going crazy. It really hit me that night that I can't keep on living and acting this way. My babies need their mamma back. So, the very next morning, monday morning i started taking my zoloft again after getting off of it almost a year ago. It's really helped mellow me out so that these little things don't get to me so badly. I don't plan on staying on them longterm, just long enough for me to learn how to cope day to day without freaking out over every little memory or trigger.
deleted_user
I feel everything you have. So tired of hurting so deeply. I do have depression from this, went to three weeks of out patient and I know I'm getting very down again. We do want things to work, I just don't know if I can get through this. I've been checking his e-mail and he's receiving porn from his best friend. I have so many issues and feel like I'm the abused one, the last two years have been so bad. I have MG, a daughter who I was helping and she now has my business, she was going to be my assistant, she took over, I retired, pretty much from stress. I have Vulva issues caused by HPV, another surgery, which might be worst yet. I',ve been skinned, cut, lazered and chemo cream. I became more sexual, now he isn't wanted it. Married 40 years. I feel like my life has been a lie. He's had many women. Forgive me I just hurt
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