SheenRe he has been asking what is wrong and I keep saying nothing because I am just not quite ready for that FIGHT and I need to be sure I am prepared for anything he may try to blameshift, so he has been asking I just have been stalling.

When you do finally have that conversation with him, keep your statement to the "I". Pointing fingers at him and blaming him will only make him want to blame you somehow. He may still blame you, but don't accept the blame and learning to detach is a great survival tool for us. Invite him to have an open conversation with you about his issues only if he is willing to learn how it is hurting your relationship with him. If he's not open to it, then there is nothing you can do about it other than begin to create boundaries. It is your house afterall, and having him there P'ing and MB'ing doesn't help you create a sanctuary that your home should be.

I just want to add that in my case when I withdrew like you describe and my h didn't know the information that I knew about him, he just thought I was being a cold b word. He looked at me because I was cold and distant to him for no apparent reason and that gave him an excuse to act out (to rationalize to himself) . Plus he didn't emotionally know what to do except act out.

Healthy Boundaries are set to protect "you". Love yourself enough and stick to those boundries, but by not enforcing those boundaries, you are hurting yourself, and giving away your "power" to the SA.
Thats what the SA is looking for......... "Control". Control to the addict, is like oxygen. They need that control to keep spinning their lies, and keep all their actions undeer the radar.

From what you wrote, I see you have all the information you need.
When we give our power away, it's enabling, trust your gut its usualy right....dont ignore it.

You do deserve more.

Miss: Sorry, I've been aware from town and civilization for about five days. I'm glad to see you posted....

Good, no financial contractual agreements! That's great! And, it's even better that if you so choose, you can make your mortgage with some cutting back elsewhere. Excellent! That is freeing! (might start with removing his internet access...ha...that's expensive. Some aren't quite as fortunate there. Marriage often results in fully shared assets, financial obligations, and makes decisions and confrontations even harder. Especially where the couple has children too. So, every morning, when you recite your list of positive things in your life, there's one to add to the list!!!!! Good for you!

I know what you mean about angry. Whew....am I ever good at that one....HA! Anger...for me...is not a bad thing. In fact, the anger I experience is quite a good thing..as long as I use it's energy to do something positive and productive for me. Raw energy! And positive energy if I channel it. Now, if I "let" that anger "attempt" to control someone else...I get little benefit from it....other than venting it. And, even that has some benefit. However, that isn't using it for it's best benefit. There are much better ways.

I think of anger, like any other emotion, it's there for a reason. For example...anger regarding the injustice and unfairness of my Hs behavior allowed me to identify that unjustness and unfairness. It allowed me to confront him with that injustice and unfainess. It gave me energy to set boundaries and enforce them. Likely, without it's energy, I wouldn't have done so aggressively. In my case, anger overrides fear. I think it may well do that for most people. We see a threat, or perceive it internally, and anger is the energy of defense.

An indicator of that to me is observing the animal kingdom. They don't really "talk" they just "do." What happens when threat is perceived? I don't really think that internal observation becomes the action. I think anger and defense becomes the action. Awareness and energy to deflect injury. So, I used it...aggressive energy...to confront...to state boundaries...and for enforcement. I think that's why I would "look" at the images occasionaly at first of what he'd done....raw anger...raw energy...and channeling. A look at the threat...and energy for the defense?

You said, " I am angry that I am even in this predictment because of his empty promises to me." Good...you have identifyed the "why" of the anger. Then comes persuing what "you" are willing to do about his empty promises. As far as "cold and distant" I think that's just another way of saying disengaged. It is emotional distance. It is a statement...without a statement. It is one way of bringing on evidence, tangible, of the real results of his behavior. It is also a way of letting him know, in tangible form, that you "are" aware of his behavior...and that you are not pleased at all. It is a way of indicating he is on the way of the path to rock bottom. Your rock bottom. The end of your tolerance. The end of your engagement with him. His behavior is resulting in your withdrawal from a relationship that isn't meeting your needs. It is reality.

No one feels all cuddly, warm, and fuzzy with a person who is hurtful. Or, it seems to me that if they do, there's something off in Denmark? And, you're right in that you shouldn't talk to him until you are ready to talk to him...however long duration that is. What might be very beneficial is determining what it is you want to say. I set a boundary for myself, in that, I would say nothing that I didn't really mean. No venting anger, for the sake of venting anger. Anger used to confront, address, and enlighten regarding the results of his behavior...on me...and on the value of the relationship for me.