Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group

0 Online

MaryDNJ 09/15/2011

Hi Everyone-I haven't posted much lately- My h did have a slip, and although he didnt tell me, which I would have wanted and expected,since the dishonestly was the worst part of the addiction for me.. he has been going to meetings, and has gotten back on "track..admitting he is powerless of the addiction.. now, he comes home today after meeting with unemployment counselors, and tells me he is going for training for CDL, for tractor trailer training..I knew he was thinking about that BUT he said he has to go on LONG trips, for at least 6 months-- Trips that will be 2-3 weeks long. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. I just got over this slip( which he doesnt know I know about!) and now I feel like he will be a kid in a candy shop... I know driving a truck is far from a luxury job, but he will be alone..at truck stops.. free to do what he wants ,without anyone knowing.
I simply do not have the trust for this. I havent even had him take the polygraph, do get to the bottom of his "young teen porn" obsession. He is a carpenter, and there is no work--he has been unemplyed for almost 2 years. I just didnt expect this. Maybe I should have since we did talk about the CDL. He just seemed alittle TOO happy about it all. Its a cut in pay--I will have all the work here on top of my self employment position.
.. he won't be doing meetings. I don't even feel like I can express my feeling about this because he is nervous and stressed about this "change" of career.. I have seen others post about wanting to be supportive, but also needing to express our own fears and concerns... It seems impossible right now.. and I don't even know if I want to try anymore !!!
any thoughts?

deleted_user 09/16/2011

There is no way in the world that I would let my husband do that! You have to bring the "slip" to his attention. You know, a recovering alcoholic doesn't go to work in a bar, and a recovering sex addict doesn't work in a strip club or as a truck driver. I've been told by a man who drove those things that women practically throw themselves at the truckers. He had one literally come in while he was sleeping and try to crawl in bed with him. He said he always double checked the locks from them on. Of course they are prostitutes... but the temptation is there. There was even a show on one of those educational channels awhile ago that showed how available and how agressive those women are. nope, nope, double nope. I can't even let my husband go out of town alone. That was HIS idea, by the way. It's a major pain in the butt, but it has to be that way. I hope you work this out, and I hope that he sees reason in how you present this to him. If not... then I'd say there is probably even more he is hiding than that one slip up you just found out about.

MaryDNJ 09/16/2011

thanks everyone.
Helwell77--I like your analogy, and I'm going to use it! He DOES get the alcohol concept..
..
My sisters husband is a trucker, and they have a terrible abusive relationship-and yes,he certainly cheats all the time. If my H proceeds with the trucking, I will do what wachit said, and use the time to regroup and decide what is best for me and my children.. I can't see living with this constant doubt. My previous H was a drug addict. He messed with me, lied for years and years, till I got him arrested, and into rehab. I dont want to take "care" of someone's problem anymore!! I have enough of my own, and I owe it to my kids (and grandchild, parents) to be a responsible, involved,sane person.

I seriously need a break from all of this..

and btw--turns out he didnt have just ONE one slip- the porn is daily again..
you all have a great weekend. I have to get out in the sun while it lasts!

Join the Conversation