Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
Hello everyone. I just joined here today. I also belong to the Sex/Porn Addiction support group. It's my husband who is the addicted one and is in complete denial. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's a long story and I only told a portion of it there. While it's been going on for years and years, I finally decided to do something about it so this is all new to me.
All I know is that I am so hurt, betrayed, humiliated, disgusted that I just want to die. The only thing that is keeping me functioning is our 21 year old son who I love more than life itself.
I feel so alone, lonely and hopeless. I am going to make arrangements to start counseling though which I think is a good start.
If anyone would care to share anything, or give some advice I'd surely appreciate it. Thanks so much.
All I know is that I am so hurt, betrayed, humiliated, disgusted that I just want to die. The only thing that is keeping me functioning is our 21 year old son who I love more than life itself.
I feel so alone, lonely and hopeless. I am going to make arrangements to start counseling though which I think is a good start.
If anyone would care to share anything, or give some advice I'd surely appreciate it. Thanks so much.
Counseling for you is a great start. In this addiction it is the one thing you can control. YOU! You will learn how fabulous you are, how this is not your fault and you will regain your confidence. Counselling has given me the strength to realise i am worthy and he is lucky to have me, not the other way around.
Education is also a great thing you could do for yourself. Learning why and what he is doing, will give you the tools to help deal with his crap, and no longer will he be able to pull the wool over your eyes.
Most people start with "Out Of The Shadows" BY Patrick Carnes Ph.d
Finally and most importantly, babe you are not alone. All of us here feel or have felt the very same, and are always here for you. Lets all be alone together :)
Welcome
Have all of you stayed with your husband? I made mine leave, and he is currently with a friend, but that cannot continue because of circumstances beyond our control. He has begged me to let him stay in our house...in another room for now because I don't want him to touch me. But am I letting him off too easily? Is separation the way to go? I'm not sure I want to end our marriage, but it is definitely something I'm considering.
We have all kinds here. My marriage was over a long time go, still sorting through the divorce, however. My own recovery has been a process of layers and layers of feelings, wrong ideas, ah-ha moments, erupting pain, etc. I am still in the midst of it and he moved out 2 years ago. I never once had any doubt at that point whether our split was the right thing. But sorting through the impact on you over the years takes a while, whether you stay or go.
Follow your heart. don't let him move in for the wrong reasons or because he begs. You will have to want to try it again with him. I decided that if I had to live in one room with a hotplate and only my library card for entertainment, I would do so rather than stay in a depleting farce of a marriage.
I try to take the focus off what my H is doing and think about straightening-out my feelings, perceptions, patterns of behavior, and preconceived notions about what role I play in my H's SA as well as life in general. The spouses of SAs are sick also. There's no way you can be married to an SA and it not affect you in a negative way - hence the need for counseling, education, and support systems.
Our sex identity goes to the very core of our being and when it is threatened it tends to just blow-apart our perception of self and plays havoc with trust and intimacy. Welcome to the group and good luck!