Not too much happening over here, which is a welcome change! OW hasn't made contact in months! I've been getting treatment for my PTSD from the affair. It's going well but very intense. It's open my eyes to a few things that I've blocked out in regards to my husband and what he hasn't done for me or my recovery. It's been opening up new cans of worms so to speak. Things that we are now trying to deal with and work through. Some days it feels like DDay all over.

I'm in line for a new job with a new bank. I've been focusing a lot of my energy on that. The funny thing is, the new position is for the bank that the OW's friend works at. She is the one that snooped through our accounts and reported back to the OW on our finances. If I got this position, I would be her superior. That makes me smile. I think it's a power thing for me. I know that its not the healthiest thing for me to be focusing on but it does make me feel kinda good. I know that she will be reporting back to the OW. That makes me smile because the OW called me a lazy, worthless house wife. At the time of their affair, I was a stay at home mom. The OW had no idea of the career that I had before I was asked by my husband to stay at home. That makes me gloat a little bit as her career path has not changed since the affair. I know it eats her up.

I don't know what is in store for my future but I do know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and a lot of healing to work on in my marriage. For the first time in a long time though, I'm ready to open all the disgusting cans of worms and deal with them so that they can be part of my past instead of very much in my everyday life. :-)

Jewel, I love your attitude about healing and moving on. I think on a planet filled with 7 billion people you should have as much spiritual and emotional freedom as you want and can find. I've found the idea of insignificance to be very relaxing. My mistakes, my choices, and my feelings don't keep the world spinning, it would spin just the same without me. That is a wonderful idea and I relax a lot when I think of it.
I think another thing that I've been thinking on a lot lately is how temporary the situation really is. OW and OC live many states away so I'm not constantly dealing with the situation but soon enough the kid will be grown and we might not have anything to do with her but we certainly will NOT have anything to do with her mother, ever again.

Additionally, I've looked at the OW's facebook page a little along the way and she is very private but she did mention something in regards to her work and job. She is working in her career of choice, the one that she went to college for. I got my degree 11 years ago but I still work in the service industry. Suprisingly I'm not really jealous or anything. I think I've turned the corner on my feelings toward her. It gives me hope that she is finding success in other areas of her life too... like a man to adopt her kid!

I still don't know what forgiveness looks like with regards to her. I still hate her and sometimes dream about drop kicking her.
I've found a new therapist and I expect that to help.

I am new to this website and I thought I might as well jump on this thread to talk about my situation. I have kept this a secret with my friends and family. I feel very alone. My dday was about a year ago, and it's been a sucky road. Husband just came home one day and said he ran into an old flame, who said he is the father of her child. The oc was 9 yrs old at the time. They haven't had a dna test, but he just accepts this to be a true fact. He has wanted a second child, and I have been adamant that I only want one child. So in a way he got his second child, but it's by a total stranger. He thinks I should not be hurt, because oc was conceived before we were married. But it wasn't like we were not dating exclusively at the time. I am hurt and betrayed. And it also stings that he can't sympathize with me. She has not asked for child support, but she does ask for $ here and there. She wants him to give the oc gifts for random occasions. Basically just inserting herself in our lives as much as possible without being obvious about it. He receives photos of the oc and he feels proud of himself, for what I don't know. I feel like he should feel shame and regret, but he doesn't. I guess I feel it enough for the both of us.

In the beginning I flip-flopped between letting my husband spend time with oc, and forbidding any contact. I even considered spending time with oc myself, but when I brought it up, my husband said, in this exact words "she already has a mother she doesn't need another one." So now I know I am not welcome in that family. He says that is not what he meant, but the timing of those words tell me exactly that. I have not met the oc and ow, but he took my son over here to meet her, I also feel this is a betrayal because he did it behind my back.

Just yesterday, I've told my husband that I'm over it and I want to separate, but he doesn't think it's the best choice. He says he loves me and ow and oc are not a threat to our relationship. He also thinks I will get over this thing, and we will be happy again like we were before. He said he will not see oc/ow again, if it will keep us together. But I feel like that's a line of BS. He also said he hopes I change my views one day. I dont think I ever will. I fantasize about moving to Canada or somewhere anywhere, just to distance myself from them.

Angel, your words take my breath. I am so sorry you have been dealing with this without support. I think you would really benefit from support somewhere... therapy, a life giving church, a trusted friend, here. You need support and it sounds like your husband does too. Has he been faithful before this revelation?
My #1 rule in this whole situation is that my H and I are each others' #1 person. That means that there is NO relationship that he could have that didn't include me. We consider marriage sacred and have thrived because we've been treating it like that since we reunited.
I hope that your H comes to think that way. Your child, his child, her child, no one should take your place in his hierarchy of priority. Your child also needs the safety that a strong marriage provides.
You will be in my prayers and I hope that you can find a path that works for you and brings you peace, and hopefully happiness.
As far as this forum, some will tell you to run and some will tell you to stay. Everyone is here to be supportive, though. Please keep us posted.

Thank you Redsimon for reading my very long post. I've tried to respond earlier but for some reason I've been having some technology issues. Your words definitely give me encouragement. Thank you for your prayers and advice.

I've decided to stay for now. I want us to overcome this problem. He says he has been faithful since we got married. It's not easy, but I want to trust what he says is true. Your rule about being each other's #1 person is absolutely on point. That is my goal for my marriage. Truly it is the only type of marriage worth having.

Hi, nothing new around here. Marriage has good days and bad days. OC still around on weekends. Currently he's been annoying me with stupid 13 year old behavior.

I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving.