My H has told his son that he loves him every time he sees him. I don't see anything wrong with that, after all it is his son and he should love him no matter how his son came into this world. But I don't agree with your reasoning that if he tells his son he loves him that he will no longer wish he did not have the A. That is simply not the case with my H. He still wishes to this day that he didn't have the A. He loves his son but he knows in his heart that his son should have never been conceived or born. Just because he loves his son doesn't mean he doesn't have regret for the A. So don't confuse his love for his child with not regretting the affair.

thank you for your reply, we are still waiting for the test to be done, but in my heart I know the baby is his. I really need to hear others point of views on this and maybe one day I too will care for the kid, and you are right I think I am confusing the two issue. Right now I do not see that as a possiblity.

The first time I meant my H's son he was already 5 years old. We spent a few days together. I really didn't know how I would react to him or how he would react towards me. In the end everything worked out pretty well and by the end of weekend I really cared about his son and what happens to him. Although I wish that his son was never born I have come to accept the fact that he was born and I deal with it as best I can. If it turns out to be your H's child, don't think of the child as a symbol of the A, just think of the child as you would any other child and don't hold any grudge against the child. If you give it a chance you will learn to care for child.

OMG the first time i heard my husband say "i love you too" without even realizing it my mouth hit the floor. i could literally feel my heart crush. ok i realize that the kid is his and that all parents should love their kids but hearing it hurt like hell. he actually was responding to her saying it which i am sure her mother was coaching from the other end-bet she got a real kick out of that. anyway it was extremely hard to hear and the second time i heard it was just as difficult as the first. i don't want to be the bearer of bad news but i don't think that this will ever be easy to hear, or accept. i guess the day we are ok with hearing it, we will have actually have accpeted that this is our life and we have gotten over it.

i am not trying to go against what sue said but i had a totally different response to the child. i think she is a great person to accept her husbands child and fall in love with him because he is innocent and did not ask for any of this-i have had a different experience. as many of you here know-i told me husband that he could start bringing his child around and that we would make her a part of our family. well let me say that it was never that easy. i truly did want to accept the child but i almost held this grudge against her. i knew she was innocent and asked for none of this but i felt like her being born ruined my life, my marriage, the relationship i thought i shared with the man i married. i hated her for being born. i know this sounds harsh but i am being honest about the different emotions i went thru. i have never mistreated this child and i have always gone above and beyond to make her feel at home, but it was not easy, it still is not easy. it really is hard to seperate her from the way she came about. she is a great kid, very happy, adventurous, not afraid of anything and it saddens me because the way she came about-kills me inside and it makes it hard for me to have a connection with her. i hate my husband and her mother for being so selfish and putting her into this situation and originally that is why i jumped into this head first but when i realized everthing that came with having this child in my life-i withdrew. i hope someday it can be different but i just don't see it. so what do i do-do i give up my family that i wanted so badly and worked do hard to build, or do i stay and hate my life and resent my husband and his child. please don't get upset with me for the way i feel, as mean as it may sound i am just being honest.

I think one reason that my reaction my H's child was different than Jaew's is because I didn't even know about the A or the child until he was already 5 years old. I think it's a lot easier to deal with an older child than an infant or toddler. If I had known from day one about my H's son, I think I would have probably had a lot more negative reaction to his son.

Another thing that has helped me is that the OW and my H's son live 500 miles away, so we only see his son a few times a year. If I had to deal with his on every other weekend and if I still had my own kids at home it would have been a whole other ball game. Best wishes to both of you.

thanks sue and i hope i did not offend you in anyway-i did not mean too if i did. i think it is great that you found a way to embrace this situation and live with it. my husbands child was 15 months old when i learned of her exsistence. what really made it so hard to me was several things (1)that it even happened (2) he married me knowing he has this huge secret (3) i was 4 months pregnant when she got pregnant (4) his affair was multiple years (5)the fact that i trusted him so much and he could betray me in such a way. i just don't know what to say-this crap is just CRRRAAAZZZYYY! i keep trying to understand what GOD has planned and what will become of this situation. i pray everyday that some kind of resolution will come of this madness. thanks to you all and i am praying for you.

Nothing good will ever come of this. How can any child born to women who contuine to play games and invole their children in the games ever have a fighting chance? They just simply can't. This weekend was going to be all about me and given me what I need to start over coming this, but the OW started in with the baby is in the hospital with pnemonia and you know what when I called the hostpital no one by that name was there. Three hours later she claimed he was just released. what a fricken Lair......

The thing that I have come to realize is that we each have to come to a peace that works for us. I thought in the beginning that I could be open to arranged visits but what I found was that meant that I would have to deal with her and all her bs and that my kids would have to know and the thought of that due to his ignorance pissed me off. I could not do it because it made me feel like I was allowing crap to be poored on me and I was starting not to like myself because of this. But again I say everyone has to find there own peace.

I have been reading the replies to this post and some of them have brought tears to my eyes. I feel for each of you. This is so very hard! My other half and I have to deal with the OW cutting us both down and not letting us see his little girl. She wants him to sign over all rights. She is such a Nasty person my other half and I did not want this child to be his. She is and we can not change that. And we both want her to be safe and taken care of she isnt with her mother. We are going for full custody. I know in my heart its the right thing. I also know that this is going to be so hard. I wish it could be easy. I wish a lot of things.