Well, as you know, my BF's family has accepted the OW and OC and have been pressuring him to marry her even though he was* living with me and had been for years. However, both my BF and I have been married before and we don't have any children together, so our situation is a little different. We're older than many people on here -- in our mid-40's.

Right now my BF is working with the OW through mediation on a parenting plan agreement. Once that plan is done, then there will be legal boundaries about holidays, birthdays, vacation time, etc. I really can't wait for this to be set in stone because right now the OW just shows up whenever she damn well pleases, usually with the intention of creating a scene. I usually avoid situations (Father's day, for example) when it's highly likely she will show up and throw a tantrum. However, once the plan is filed with the courts, I plan on being there for all occasions in which it is my BF's legal right to have the baby. I'm not going to let the OW actions dictate my right to be the primary relationship with my BF. The only reason I'm not doing it now is to make it easier for my BF to get the OW to agree to the plan. Once there is a plan, then we'll have clear legal boundaries for doing things like calling the cops on her.

*He and I have been living apart since I found out on May 1, 2010.

I'm so sorry, I truly feel for you and can understand how hurt you must feel. Are you still with your husband? How does he handle the situation with his parents, is he protecting and defending you? In my situation, I am still with my husband and he tells me he has never seen the child nor has any intention to do so. He is trying to change and be a different person than the man he was who made such painful choices. Part of that is to not deal with the drama it would create to have a relationship with the OC and as a result, the OW. We were living in the same town as his parents and the OW, we moved back to my hometown and are two hours away now. Before we moved, the OW contacted my in-laws and they went behind our back to meet with her and the OC on several occasions until we heard about it through rumors and confronted them. They say they haven't had any new contact with the OW & OC but I don't believe it. I know that if the option was given, they too would accept the OW in order to be a part of the OC life. They say they are doing it for her because she is an innocent child. I understand she is innocent but don't believe they are doing it for her, I think they are doing it for selfish reasons so that they can "play grandparents", they are not thinking of the long-term consequences that this child will face knowing that she is the result of an affair and has caused such pain and discord in the family. To me that is more traumatic to a child than to just let them create their own family and live in peace without all the drama. I'm sorry you're having to face that on top of the original betrayal. What a painful and sinful situation we all find ourselves in. My in-laws never apologized to me either.
There is a huge difference in "church-going" people and true "believers" in Christ. True "believers" who try to walk in Christ's way will offer forgiveness to those who have sinned against them after lovingly confronting them of their sin. However, it doesn't sound as though they treat you with love and forgiveness either, so my guess is that they are not true Christians, they are just "church- goers" which really doesn't hold any weight on earth or heaven. I would completely dismiss the fact that they go to church as having any bearing on their actions.

I am so scared of dealing with the OW and the only recent occurance was extremely hurtful. She asked my H to take the oc for a few hours as she had to work and he left him with his family (suppsedly the first time doing this). The ow picked him up from there. I heard this through a third party. He didnt think to tell me and it was a crappy feeling. I thought, damn what if I decided to stop in that night and ran into her? shit!!!!!! I have never even seen her and that would have been a shocker. So for those of you who are dealing with the ow and oc being this happy little addtition to his family, I am sorry. I know just from a few experiences that it is very very hard. Other than that I have full knowledge and control as to how and when the oc child is around anybody. Uggg It must be really hard to know his family is so welcoming, to the ow especially.

OMG! I AM SO SO SO SORRY! I rarely hear from my inlaws thank God. We recently had to go down there bc my husband wanted to see them. My daughter never gets called on her bday or christmas. But we walk into their apt & there is a big pic of the OC on the fridge & a pic she had colored (they've never met her before its all been mailed by the ow) Pics of her in the living room, there is one pic of my daughter who is now 4 from when she was 6 months old & a pic of her from being 4 but shes with her dad. They talk to her & everything but me & my child are outcasts. I ask the same question. HOW COULD THEY?! After this recent trip I am completely done with these people. They are low down & fowl. Im sorry you have to deal with this as well.l Take care & I hope you find some peace.

broken, damn that sux. I would have been so hurt and angry. I guess minimal contact is best.

Wow this happened to me at Christmas....yes Christmas of all days. My husbands sisters took the child down to see his mom in SC. I found out when I overheard him on the phone. My heart is still completely broken and I have not spoken to any of them since.

I guess I have been lucky in that department, my in-laws only want to see the OC through my H and I. the OW mailed pictures to the in-laws at one point, but my H put her in her place. As far as I know things have remained that way. It is really up to your H to draw the line and not accpet when it is crossed. They do it because they can.

Don't get me started...but ultimatly my relationship with the in-laws will never be the same. Never!

there are too many of us facing the same pain....its awfull and I feel for you all. why do they do this? not only to us, but to the child/! its like teasing the child, being part of the family where ultimatley the father and his own family, want nothing to do with them!!! and the sneaking about, and going behind your back, as if it's their own dirty little secret!! its hard enough, making the decision between you and your husband to have no contact, without the family putting all the extra pressure onto the situation, just so they can 'feel the glory'.
in our predicament, the OC has been forced so far into the family, that our own children are pushed out. the OC is at every family occasion, and therefore ours cannot go.. the family think they are doing nothing wrong... but if we made our decision for no contact, how the hell can we let our kids mix with the OC, not knowing its their sibling????! and furthermore, us be part of a freak show, where all eyes are on us, whether my H looks at the OC, whether there's resemblance in looks, whether the kids fight or play etc...... its like being backed into a corner with no way to turn, apart from keep away from his family alltogether. in which case our kids miss out on their cousins and family occasions. it completley sucks... i was really close with the in-laws before, but like u say pillar, it's irrepairable damage and will never be the same. WHY CANT THE IN-LAWS RESPECT OUR DECISION, AND THE FACT THAT WE ARE TRYING TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE, WITHOUT ADDING MORE PRESSURE!!!!! aargh!! rant over!!

WOW, I am trying to wrap my mind around this issue and was going to bring it up as a topic. Unfortunately my H lost his mother at a young age and has no contact with his father. His grandmother knows about the oc but never asks about him. My family is really my H's family. We have been together for 14 years. I have not told anyone in my family but my mother and I don't want this oc to be a part of my family-he is not my son. He is my h's son. I will not invite him to family functions or holidays. He will always be the other child and that is the reality my h has to face. We have 3 children of our own and I do not want my family to accept him because I knwo they will and try to spend time with him but I feel like he should not be integrated into my family and I refuse to tell any of them about him and the affair. Am I wrong?

No reaction is wrong. You have to do what works for you. I have chosen to involve the oc in some things but not much. This Sunday we will celebrate my sons 16th birthday and oc will be here. So he willbe incorporated. Not sure how it will go but my one sister and father have never met him. They all know but this will be the first meeting.

you are not wrong at all. I understand...I have had a year and half to think this through and I am having the same outlook as you, but I have seen some do different way and that is what works for them to find peace.. My big thing is that it I feel it is too much for kids to have to try and understand. It is so nasty and they do not need this burden on their mind.

i totally get you there hun. when we did try that route and were seeing the oc, I watched my kids suffer. Not only with the heartache of the sudden 2yr old 'sister' that they HAD TO accept, but it was when we were visiting my H family...my kids got pushed into the background whilst everyone went the extra mile for the oc..probably out of pity, but how are my 4 and 5 yr old's supposed to understand that! well they didnt.. 2yrs on and they can remember things that happened at that time, yet they dont remember the oc.... have they blocked it out? im not sure..next thing we were at a family party and they brought the oc...my kids didnt remember oc. but the oc musta already been brainwashed in preperation as she said 'thats my daddy'...! tight bastards to show her photo's of him etc, knowing that when she saw him, he would ignore her! standing us up for a fall to be the heartless asseholes, when infact we made our decision not to see her...yet the family take it out of our hands..now we are drifting away from his family.....
so i would love to be in ur shoes superwoman!! they needent know... unless its what ur man truly wants, which im guessing its not.
where's mens rights!!! yeh his stupid mistake couldve ben saved by a condom.. the options available to her: the pill, depo injection, coil, abortion, adoption.....why cant a man have rights to actually have nothing to do with an illigitimate, unwanted child!!!!!!!!!! haha sorry!! now am i wrong!!??x

This has happened to me too and it is really sad because now my child has no contact with her family...it is truly heart breaking!

I do sympathize with your pain of being betraded by the man. But you can't get mad at the grandparents for taking in their blood. Whether you like it or not, the child is related and you can't change that. They probably did the right thing because they are christians, thank GOD!!!! I don't think it had nothing to do with you, you just can't see past your own pain and I'm quite sure they didn't tell you not to come to family functions. You sound like you are teaching your kids to hate their sibling. People need to grow up, the world doesn't always revolve around you. How can any adult hate a baby, that's just silly as hell. As women, we should know that a man ain;t gone be faithful. Stop blaming the OW and look at that demon you wake up beside each morning. He could have used a condom or pulled out. He chose to ejaculate in the ow but yall act as if he is innocent. Please!! smdh. God Bless those Grandparents!!!! Maybe that child will have a chance at living life without feeling unwanted, ashamed, and alone.