spouses and illegitimate children Community Group

Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.

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What is she up to??

kimmyc69
kimmyc69
It's been awhile since I've posted and a lot has happened. My H has continuously asked to have the OC for a couple hours and she takes a day even one time a week to get back to him. She has used every excuse she can, he's too young, breastfeeding (even though she said she was gonna pump) etc. This last Saturday he asked again and she responded They already had plans. I suspected it but she actually was going to his moms an annual get together that we used to go to. His mom actually invited us however I knew his aunt that is encouraging this OW to be around was going to be there. So she was there (and this isn't the first time!) and has basically paraded this OC to everyone in his family saying this is his baby. He got a message from his step grandma Sunday saying I saw your baby yesterday he is so cute. Anyways he asked again this weekend for the OC and she responded "we need to talk, I can meet you again without my other son this time." My H has only seen this OC once on her terms she said just swing by but I said that's unacceptable to me so they met at a restaurant and she brought her 13 yr old son so they accomplished nothing cause they couldn't talk. I don't know what she's up to or what she wants to talk about and I feel they should pick up the phone and talk but she demanded they meet again this Sunday. So again on her terms I know she needs money she doesn't work and doesn't get cs or ss from her ex husband for her other son. She lives off the system however she can so I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to go through the agency for support. I'm assuming she will ask him for cash under the table so that she doesn't have to show any income and still get her assistance. She also has indicated to my H that she doesn't want the baby around me she thinks I'll her it or be mean to it however I've never ever contacted her at all she's nuts. So just waiting to see what she wants to talk about it's killing me. She got pregnant on purpose for him to support her and her other son because her sister actually texted my H and said that he is her sole financial support and she expects her will take care of her and her son. Bullshit he will take care of the OC if it's his NOT her. Ugg amazing what a 40 yr old woman will do to get money makes me sick everyday. And to top it off his mom is accepting her with open arms to all the family functions and what really upsets me is our 4 kids that we have together his mother barely has ever seen in the last 17 yrs but she's treating this OC like it's Jesus. I have not contacted his mother either because I know I would lose it. This whole thing is messed up all around.
lilhurt420
lilhurt420
It's hard to say what she's up to. One thing I've learned is that OW's are extremely unpredictable in their behavior. Seems like she's trying to make sure her visits with your H and OC involve her and exclude you. Did she give your H a time to meet up?

I know how hard it is waiting. We're currently waiting to hear back from OW on what she plans to do about custody and CS. We pay her CS but have no contact. She is pregnant again (OC is only 1.5) and talking about the new guy adopting OC. H will gladly sign over and not pay CS anymore, but she's taking her sweet time in telling us what she's going to do. If she decides not to then we will take her to court for visitation (she doesn't want him to see OC now that she's found a new idiot to play daddy)

Your H should push to have an exact time/date to have this meeting and ask what is going to be discussed. Has he been paying her all along under the table? If he really wants visitation he may need to go through the courts now if she's not letting him.
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
It seems like we are always waiting on her and what will happen. And yes I know she is keeping this child from him because of me which is completely wrong I have done nothing to her as bad as I want to. And yes this will be the 2nd time they have met a local restaurant this time 9:00 am Sunday so it's going to be a long weekend for me waiting to find out what she wants to talk about. He did respond to her text asking what exactly she wanted to talk about and her response (a day later) was simply the oc's name. I know she mentioned to him before that she thought I might be texting her from his phone and was scared of me setting her up that I might jump out from around the corner and hurt her and the baby. She's nuts. From what I found out she gave the child her married name which I'm assuming to match her other sons name. She has not gone to cs for support or dna however has made it clear to his entire family that it is his son. I am all for taking her to court and even requesting shared parenting and my husband has stated the same that he will fight her although I know he's still being nice to her to not upset her and I know as tough as he acts he won't be that way with her. I have asked him over and over and over if he's giving her cash either dropping it off giving it to his mom or whatever and he says no every time. Although the last time he did meet with her and has also texted her that anything the OC needed to let him know and we would get it she never to this day has asked for anything. I'm still holding onto hope it's not his and that's why she's acting this way but yet why would she continue to parade it around his family saying it's his.? I just know she's up to something and I know I'm not going to be happy about Sunday when I find out what it is.
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
And also his mom and entire family was at her baby shower his mom posted 40+ pics on facebook the week we were on vacation luckily I didn't see them till we were back home my H didn't see them I did and lost it. How mean and disrespectful. However I did notice in all the pictures she almost seemed like she was purposely holding up her left hand to hold the outfits and gifts she got and I noticed she had a ring on her wedding ring finger???? I'm hoping this OC is her xboyfriend whom she dated 5 yrs and magically never got pregnant and that he's the father. I asked my H if he had given her a ring and he said absolutely not. So again I can only believe what he's telling although everything up to this point has been so weird and messed up....
lilhurt420
lilhurt420
I've dealt with the betraying mother in law also, and now have no contact with my MIL either. I used to be close to her, but when she went behind our backs to contact OW and was posting pictures of OC on her facebook letting everyone know about OC (when we specifically asked her not to because we didn't want anyone to know what happened). It has come to bite her in the ass now because OW has blocked her on FB since my H is now back in touch with his mom and his mom and OW figures that's how he found out she's knocked up again by some idiot.

Honestly...knowing how OW's are, she probably brought a fake ring to wear for the shower so she could lie to everyone and make it seem like she's engaged to your H. You never know with these.

Has your H thought about a DNA test?
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
Yes we decided a DNA was definitely needed but he says he keeps putting it off I just don't get it I'm pretty sure its his cause I know she got pregnant on purpose to try to trap him. And ya I thought that about the fake ring thing too just don't understand why she would wear it at the baby shower when everyone there knew he's with me? I'm so paranoid I always wonder if him and his family and her all are hiding things behind my back and I have no idea and honestly I don't know why cause he begged me to save him from her and take him back. Nothing makes any sense. I'm pretty sure my MIL and her sister will not leave this alone his mom told him that she just wants her grandchild in her life but hello my oldest is 17 and the woman hasn't been around but a handful of times and never came to my baby shower. I wonder if his family knows she isn't going to let him have this OC so that's why theyre being so open arms about having her around I don't know nothing makes any sense.
tornforgood
tornforgood
Kimmi I his souds all very fishy. I cant fathom hiw a family nor your H be so eager to bring in this stranger baby w/o a dna or anything that prooves baby is your H. I dont think I would tolerate something like this hat from the fam in law. But screw them. I would demand your H to get DNA done ... What kind of shit is that. Does he want to be a sucker and start seeing and falling inlove w a strangers baby??? His begavior of postponing dna seems guilty.
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
So they met Sunday she is not going to let him have oc because of me saying I may hurt him cause its hers etc however she asked him to give her money for him then send her a fake w9 form cause she needs to show an income to get all her assistance she gets unbelievable and she only offered him to see oc by stopping by her place anytime he wants or meeting her at his mom's wtf I'm so about done with this bullshit and he's appeasing her that's probably what pisses me off more so again no resolution she also said she may contact me for a start I certainly hope she doesn't I hate her I'm trying to be the bigger person but Damn she's basically dangling this baby to him trying to black mail him or bribe him just to see it but of course only on her terms which does step on my toes including her involving herself with his entire family she knows exactly what she's doing just like when she got pregnant on purpose and assumed he'd stay with her
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
She doesn't want a cs order because she won't get all her assistance and not work and live for free and the ring she said was because some guy was hitting her when she's 9 months pregnant whatever she's full of shit I'm as she wasn't at the baby shower so makes no sense she went on to cry and talk about herself which I knew she would going to therapy etc I feel not one bit sorry for her she knew what she was doing
lilhurt420
lilhurt420
Just like most OW she wants money and doesn't want his involvement unless it's without you and on her terms.

I think you should push him for a court order. If you guys want some type of visitation and he's going to be paying her anyways, then do it the right way. Doing things this way just leads to OW having the upper hand all the time and it's ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to stay with my H if he was going to be ok with only going over OW's house to see OC and paying her under the table to "help her out" in keeping her assistance. CS sucks, but if he's paying her anyways mind as well make it legit and make her go through the DNA test process.

You're also better than me...I wouldn't have been ok with my H going to meet OW on his own. It'd be an include me or I'm out type of things. OW's can never be trusted. My H won't even make a phone call without informing me and having me on 3 way if available.
kimmyc69
kimmyc69
You are absolutely correct she wants money but not contact other then him by himself. I'm kinda of sitting back trying to let him make the decision to push for a court order, DNA etc. I don't feel she should get anything from him if he doesn't get to see the OC period. However problem is he still feels sorry for her and is self employed therefore could give her money and I wouldn't know especially since his entire family is accepting her he could very well give his mom money to give to her and I would never know plus he is free to come and go as he wants so he could be visiting her place as well there's no way for me to ever know or find out. I can only believe him when he says hes not doing any of this and if he is eventually it will come to light. It is completely unacceptable to me for him to go to her place and we made this clear to her before but yet she offered it to him again so she obviously doesn't care about interfering with our relationship. I wasn't ok with him going for a 2nd time to meet her but like always I accepted it since she brought her 13 yr old son last time so they couldn't talk. Right now nothing has been established other then the OC has blue eyes and she doesn't want an order and he has not idea when we'll ever see this OC without her. So again sitting and waiting. Thank you ladies for your responses it really does help to talk about all this.