spouses and illegitimate children Community Group

Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.

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Update since visitation started

McMadre
McMadre
SO...we have started to get overnight visits with the 2 oc and things have gone well...for the most part. Except for dealing with OW!! She is just crazy! She encourages the boys not to wanna come to our house and not to call my H daddy. They still call him Mr,!
Well we had family pics made so I could send out announcements. Cuase I mean, hello... how was I to explain these 2 boys that are with us each weekend...so I sent out annoucements saying welcome to our family. Our photographer posted 2 pics of us "sneek peek" on her FB business page and OW contacted her and said "I do not like these pictures, you must have my permission to post them and demanded she take them down"!!! Our papers say nothing about posting pics of the kids of social media. THis B will stop at nothing!! She won't even speak when we see her at sports events. She doesn't want the boys to be around us but loves her $2500 she gets each mth.
OH...I want to punch her in the throat.
Sorry for the rant, just wanted to give an update
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
I seriously don't get these ow. They knowingly slept with married men. That's means they knew they were getting pregnant with chosen who would be born into a mess including step mothers and half siblings. Yet they can't handle our presence in their lives and fuck with their kids heads and hearts.

I think more bs would attempt to accept the oc if the ow was a sane remorseful person looking out for the best interest of their child.
tornforgood
tornforgood
First off, kudos to you for being so open and bravely sharing this change with the rest of the world. Sure is better to get all the embarassment and stupid ppl questions out of the way all at once. I think bec its so new the kids and ow are going to slowly adjust. If these kids are a little bigger they know bttr than to call a stranger daddy so Im sure your H will have to earn their trust. And ow also will adjust and prob love the fact that her kids will b gone every other weekend so she can finally find herself another married sucker lol. They will adjust... Sounds like you are doing great and on the right track for this situation. But man.....$2500 an mo???? Ouch. I couldnt imagine :((()))). That is why I divorced my H so that if the slut ever filed for cs- only his measly salary would be counted. I would be making first page news if some of my $$ went to her.
McMadre
McMadre
It's definitely hard to get passed turning over that money each month. Our lifestyle has definitely changed. That's another BIG issue between my H and I. The kids are adjusting SOOOO well that when the OW comes to get them, they don't want to leave. But once they get back with her, they clam up again. Like they are afraid of what she will do or say to them. Maybe they feel like they are betraying her but IDK. I just know that when my H calls them every night, she will say, Mr. __ is on the phone for you. Never says DADDY.
None of what she is doing is good for them. I'm not their mother, and frankly don't want to be but DAMN... they didn't ask for any of this. I still don't understand what her end game is. As I said in the beginning, she's a RN and does not need the money. SHe lives in a place that is paid for by her parents...WTH does she want??? Besides my husband?? That's the only thing I can think of. She wants my life!
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
That's awful. She wants a reaction and its best he not react at all. Let her do her thing and continue to do all you both can to help them settle in and feel secure.

My H's oc once asked if he could call me mom. I said ok but the next 2 weeks he didn't come over. The second of those weeks was because he was being punished for slapping his mother. I assumed the 2 weeks of non visits had something to do with the mom thing.

The next time he came, he did try calling me mom. Again he didn't come forca week or 2. Then suddenly he started calling me "stepmom". That was one thing I said I didn't like cause itc sounded weird (when he first asked about what to call me), so then he said can i call you mom.

It took him close to a year to stop calling me step mom. I didn't correct him every time. But im sure she encouraged it.
lilhurt420
lilhurt420
What did your announcements say? I can't imagine sending that out and announcing my H's infidelity. You are brave and courageous :)

OW's have no end game really. From what I've learned their only end game is to make everyone else miserable for their mistake (us, our H's, even their OC's). All they care about is themselves. It's sad.
McMadre
McMadre
I am still answering questions about that announcement I sent out. People are like "umm, did ya'll adopt"?
I wasn't sure what to say so I put a pic of them along with my H and our son, holding a chalk board that said "finally together". Then I put a pic of them plus our family ..print said "please welcome Blah and Blah to our family.